033. alternate world

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"Okay, let me get this straight. So... we beat the Brits, we kicked their psycho, tea-swilling asses, and instead of popping champagne and headin' to Vegas, we get Lucifer." Dean says as they sit in the library.

"And you're sure it's him?" Mary asks Sam.

"Yeah. That's his old vessel, too." Sam says.

"How is that possible?" Mary asks.

"Crowley, I guess." Sam shrugs.

"And now he's dead." Mary says.

"Well, that's what Hess said. But Crowley's a fucking cockroach." Dean says. "I'll believe he's gone when I see the body and burn it."

"We don't need Crowley. We need Rowena. I mean, she's the one who can slam Lucifer back into the cage." Sam says.

"Great. So where is she?" Mary asks.

Sam calls Rowena, waiting for her to pick up. However, when he gets an answer, his face drops.

"What?" Dean asks, noticing his brother's expression.

Sam puts the phone on speaker.

"Oh, if you're looking for Rowena, she is presently indisposed." Lucifer's voice comes through the phone. "Which is a delicate way of saying, I stomped on her face till the white meat showed, and then set her on fire, just in case. Ah. Gingers. It was messy and... screamy, but it had to be, Sam. I'm about to be a dad. Can't raise the little nipper from a jail cell now, can I? Speaking of... you know where your little pal Castiel is?"

"Go to Hell." Sam sneers.

"Ooh! Good one. Witty. I'll use that in the future. All right, well, I'd love to chat with ya, but, uh, why waste my time, right? It's not like you matter. I don't need to put on the old Sam suit anymore, do I?"

"You know, if you think we're just gonna let you walk--" Dean starts.

"Oh, hey, Dean! I know you fellas are gonna try, you know, whatever. Whatever you're gonna try. but you can't kill me. You've never been able to kill me. And with, uh, witch bitch gone, you can't put me back in the cage, so like I said... you don't matter. Okay? Buh-bye. Buh-bye." Lucifer hangs up.

"You know, Lucifer's right. We can't kill him and we can't slam his ass back in the cage." Dean says.

"Yeah. Okay. So maybe we play for time. Find Cas and Kelly, keep 'em moving. If Lucifer can't find them, he can't hurt them." Sam says.

"You think Castiel is gonna go along with that?" Mary asks.

"You think we'll give him a choice?" Dean asks.

"And the baby?" Mary asks.

"Hopefully, we can still siphon off its grace. If not, uh... we'll figure something else out." Sam says.

"Yeah, we better." Dean says.

"All right, then." Mary stands up, tucking her gun into the back of her jeans. "Kind of always wanted to punch the devil in the face. So how do we find them?"

"All right, look, we know Kelly's gonna have that kid soon. Like, really soon. And according to the lore, whenever a Nephilim is born, there are signs. Uh, storms, outbreaks of disease, uh, plague of locusts." Sam lists.

"Things get Biblical." Dean says.

"Exactly. That much power into the world, whenever and wherever it happens, things get weird." Sam says.

"So we're looking for something... weird." Mary says.

"Yeah. Story of our lives." Dean says.

~ ~ ~

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