Pact To Passion

2: Feels Like

"Livin' in a movie I've watched and
Funny 'cause I couldn't have called it"

RAINA

My brain is numb from feeling alone all of a sudden.

I can't describe it yet there are so many things I want to scream out to the world.

It's my wedding and what's supposed to be the happiest event of anyone's life is supposedly the worst for me.

I am marrying Ruhaan Arya.

The man is cold as ice and he doesn't care about me yet every fucking time he's close to me for a photo my friends asked for and for some rasam, our families needs us for, I can't help but try not to lean on his shoulder and take a moment from the world.

He's an asshole.

My heart, my mind and my soul screams that he's a fucking boasting asshole and it makes me hate him so much.

We have met for exactly 21 times in our life and all I've ever seen in his eyes is coldness, aversion and disapproval towards me.

There was a moment where he made me think that there was something wrong with me but when you're with the wrong person, you just feel that you're wrong when it's what the other person is.

I've felt unwanted all my life. No particular reason but what the world presumes of me is something that's not factual because the only people who really knows me are my three bestfriends.

They are the only people in my life who have managed to keep me sane and adding on to that list later, I have Rohan, Ritik, Aditya, Aryan, Anirudh and Nevaan.

Although nobody knows me better than my girls but these boys have made my life easier just by being a part of it.

Nevaan has always been a sweetheart to me not because we were fucking each other all our college life. My friends didn't know it until the graduation day but because he treats me with so much care that the urge to stay strong around people vanishes.

He's the only person other than Nysa with whom I've shared bits of my life and without any judgement, he has always comforted me telling me that it's fine to feel how I feel.

He never asked for reasons and it's like I never had to. I am not in love with him. I am sure.

I doubted myself for a while too but those feelings were never there. I never had any intentions of starting a romantic relationship with him nor did he want and all we did was confide into each other with our problems.

Today's sangeet and mayra and just another day when I am in a forced proximity with him.

"Ready ho gayi?" Ma asked coming inside and I plastered a smile on my face not wanting to hear another thing about it from her. (Are you ready?)

"Yes!" I replied and she smiled standing behind me.

"You look beautiful, Raina!" She exclaimed and all I did was beam at her in fake excitement.

"Thankyou!" I replied lowly and looked at the bride they made and the bride I never wanted to be.

She went away taking all my cousins with her. They spared a last glance at me full of smiles and went out of my room.