Malik and Jade

Chapter 11 (Jade): Tell Him

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA

I worried all weekend about what I'd tell my mother when she came over on Monday to talk about my situation with Malik. Then I worried about her reaction to what I'd tell her because my mother wasn't one of those predictable mothers. She'd listen, ponder, then deliver her verdict.

So when I opened the door to her knock at precisely nine am, I kept hoping that Nour would wake up from the nap he just went down for. He'd woken up at five, ready for the day, so he was crashing for his morning nap earlier than usual. My mother kissed me hello and then we went into the kitchen for some coffee and nibbles, as she called them.

"Nour is asleep?"

"Yes," I said.

"Then you best get started, Jade."

"I'm not even sure where to start when there's so much to explain, Mama. But I guess it started the day I gave birth to Nour."

And just like when you're giving a speech in class, once you get those first words out, the rest follows more easily. I spilled everything to her, my shame pouring out of me like I was Niagara Falls. I couldn't look at her face; I was afraid of what I might see, afraid I might start crying if I looked anywhere but down at my hands where I was lacing and unlacing my fingers. It was only when I finished that I risked a glance at her face.

Her eyes were full of tears and sympathy. "Oh, Jade."

"Mama, I don't know what to do, and I'm so lost."

As my tears started, Mama got up from her chair, stood beside me and put one arm around my shoulders and curled the other around my head. "What do you want to do, Jade?"

"I want to be ignorant again, Mama. I want to go back and think that Malik loved me."

She gave a short huff and let me cry against her stomach for a few minutes, smoothing my hair soothingly. Under that magical mother touch, I calmed down after a few minutes, and my mother took her seat across from me.

"Tell me what you want to do, Jade. Realistically, since you can't go back in time."

"I've been trying to figure that out." Was that really my voice? So dispirited and flat?

"You've been ignoring him since Nour was born? Living like roommates?"

"Basically. It's awful. Cold. Awkward. Uncomfortable."

"That's not healthy at all. Do you need a break, sweetheart? Do you and Nour want to come stay with your father and me for a while?"

I did, but... 

"I don't want to take Nour away from Malik. He may not feel anything for me, but he loves Nour and he's a really good father. It's just as a husband he's lacking."

"How can you heal, Jade, if you don't take a bit of a break? I'm so angry with Malik for allowing this other woman into your lives that I'm not feeling entirely reasonable now. He promised to forsake all others. He didn't."

"I know." That was hard to say, admitting that out loud in front of another person instead of just in my head. "I thought he loved me but he doesn't."

"He told you that?" Her voice was rising with each word.

"To be fair, I asked him point blank. And he was honest. He cares for me. That's the extent of it. But he loves her, or loved her -- I'm not sure which, but I suspect. I would never have married him if I'd known about his relationship with her. If I'd known about his feelings for her."

"Your father and I wouldn't have pushed for the marriage if we'd known, Jade. Even if there wasn't love when you married, we'd hoped there was the potential for it."

"Only on my side, Mama."

"I'm so sad for you and disappointed in him, Jade. Angry at him like you wouldn't believe. Watching you two, we never would have guessed any of this. Malik seemed happy, he was attentive to you, he treated you so well."

"Apparently, that's what caring but not love looks like nowadays."

"From the way it looked, your arranged marriage was a success."

"I just hate thinking that it was all an act on his part. That he found being with me forced and painful since he'd rather be with someone else."

"I don't think he felt that way, Jade. I think Malik genuinely cares for you. And maybe it could have turned -- could still turn -- into more. But you need to step back and think about what you had, what you have, what you want and if there's any way to get what you want."

"I don't think there's any way to get what I want. Wanted."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But do you agree that living like this isn't doable for the long term? It's no way to live."

"I know it's not, Mama." I thought about that often, knowing that I had to find a solution to my dilemma. Since divorce wasn't an option given our beliefs, we had to find some way to live together and give Nour a happy home, not an armed camp where Mommy left Daddy notes stuck to his bedroom door with a knife.

"I'm worried about my daughter. You've had your entire world turned upside down from the minute you went into labor two months early and it's been nonstop stress and unpleasant revelations ever since. You haven't had a break, and I'm concerned that you're going to break if you don't step away for some time to yourself. Just give yourself a mental break, even if it's for two weeks. Come home, Jade," my mother made her case. "Tell Malik to come out on the weekends to see Nour while you go out with old friends. You won't have to see Malik at all, and you can have some fun so you can think about something other than your current reality all the time. Just Nour, friends and fun. And, I'll make all of your favorite foods," she coaxed, bringing out the big guns.

"I'll talk to Malik," I promised.

"Maybe instead of talking to him, this one time you should tell him. Tell him you need a break and you're going to take one very soon. I don't think he talked to you about a lot of things, and you weren't given any choices, Jade."

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA