Malik and Jade

Chapter 36 (Jade): He Was Being Cagey

I thought I understood him, I believed I'd figured him out and come to terms with the limited role he'd play in my life. I accepted that he'd never give me anything more. So because of my beliefs, I shut down my dreams and made the best of what was being offered. I put him in a box marked friend and nothing more and started creating a new life around the limitations.

Then he began confusing me in many different ways. 

Then he called me his life. Hayete.

Things were no longer adding up. This man who had just described why he wanted our dancing classes to never end, who loved seeing the light in my eyes and who wanted to make sure he kept it there was not the Malik I'd come to terms with. This was an entirely different man, one who was shredding up the box I'd put him in.

When I asked him why he wanted that, I thought for sure he'd retreat to his default mode where he didn't share feelings easily or readily, where he kept his emotions strictly controlled. 

"Why, Malik?"

Why?

The most uncomfortable look passed over his face, and his eyes darted around the diner before he fixed those dark eyes of his on me.

"Because I've fallen in love with you, Jade."

What what what?

Pulling in a huge breath of air, I knew I hadn't heard that right. He could have told me he was giving up medicine to become an exotic lap dancer and that would have been more believable to me. And certainly much less painful as my heart tried to pound its way out of my chest and I had to remind my lungs how to function. It was, without a doubt, the most surreal moment of my life, and although I'd never had one, I felt like I was having a panic attack.

Taking in my face, Malik quickly pulled out his wallet and shoved some bills on top of the check the waitress had left.

"Let's go, Jade," he said so gently I wanted to cry.

We both scooted out of the bench seats, and he put his hand at the small of my back, which allowed him to guide me out of there -- something I needed since I wasn't sure which way was up and which way was down right then. 

Had he really said that? He couldn't have. But he had. He had. He definitely had.

We walked to Malik's car and he opened the passenger door for me, but instead of getting in, I turned to him, still reeling in disbelief from his confession.

"Why would you tell me that? Now. Here. After all this time. I don't understand this, Malik. Why would you say that?"

My voice was trembling as I tried to wrap my mind around this. In a diner parking lot, of all places.

"You asked why just now," he said, as if that explained everything. "And I don't want to have my walls up with you anymore. I don't want to avoid the difficult questions or even the emotions any longer. Comfortable and easy were my go-tos because they required very little from me, and that was my comfort zone, and it allowed me to map out our marriage in my head. But it wasn't fair to you, Jade. I get that now, and I understand all the poor choices I made in my arrogance."

"You expect me to believe this now?"

"I don't expect you to believe anything. What I do expect is that I need to show you that you can believe me. That I'm putting you first in all areas of my life. I don't expect this to be easy or fast, but why should it be? I hurt you and it wasn't a little hurt. It was huge. But I'm not afraid of putting in whatever time and effort is required to gain your trust."