Malik and Jade

Chapter 7 (Jade): Pain Shopping

Copyright © 2024 by GroveltoHEA

I'd been on edge all day. Today was one week since Malik had told me he'd give me a week before we talked. It was the day I had the afternoon shift with Nour, and when Malik had brought me our son to be fed in the morning, he'd reminded me.

"When he goes down tonight, Jade, we're talking." The man never backed down when he drew a line in the sand.

We'd somehow managed to keep our families away, telling them we wanted these two weeks at home to ourselves and to avoid exposing Nour to any outside germs. When Malik began working after two weeks, they could come visit during the day.

"It's such a special time, Jade," my mother said with understanding. "Your perfect little family of three, and I understand you wanting this time together. You've waited so long for this moment, so take your time. Just send us all pictures of our boy!"

When we'd ended the call, I'd cried into my pillow because my mother was so completely wrong...and also so Malik couldn't hear me sobbing. I could only wish we were a perfect little family of three instead of two separate families of two: Malik and Nour were their own family and Nour and I were our own family.

Every time during that week that Malik brought me the baby for a feeding, I could tell by his hesitation he wanted to say something, but I'd take the baby from him without a word and shut the door on him. If he came into a room where Nour and I were reading or talking together, I would immediately take the baby to the nursery and shut the door. Eventually, Malik stopped trying. It just hurt seeing my husband who wasn't my husband except in a legal sense, and all I wanted was to forget our status and focus on my son's little face with the cheeks that were finally starting to fill out.

I'm sure Malik thought I was being petulant, but it went beyond that. It was the soul-deep pain of his betrayal that wouldn't allow words out in front of him -- because what if, once I acknowledged the pain, I couldn't stop the hurt from spreading? I might never get out of bed again because it felt that deep.

He found me in the living room that night after he'd put Nour down, where I was reading a romance in front of the fireplace on the couch. My books might be as close as I got to love and a happy ending, I realized. Malik sat down next to me on the couch, and I continued to stare into the flames. If he wanted to talk, he could begin the conversation.

"This isn't sustainable, Jade," he said quietly. "Nor is it healthy for you, for us, for our son. We have to find a way to function as a family. As a couple. And the only way to do that is to get everything out in the open."

I couldn't look at his eyes because I was terrified, and he was in full doctor mode, explaining the patient's condition. In our case, the patient -- our marriage -- was terminal and he was about to confirm it. I knew it. I knew that whatever was coming would be the official end of us. We'd remain married, but only in a legal sense because I couldn't bear to be with a man who had feelings for another woman.

"That day in the hallway...actually, I need to start before that. After I'd left your room, I ran down to my office because...I needed some time before I went into the NICU. When they had to take you for an emergency C-section, that was the first time I'd been afraid in my life. And seeing Nour on my own was the second time I was afraid. The very first thing you said to me when you came out of the anesthesia was go see our baby."

I had said that but I definitely never said and cuddle with your blonde friend while you're there.

"I told you I wanted to wait until we could both go, then you fell back to sleep. When you woke up, you said it again, and I told you, again, I wanted to wait. I just didn't feel right about seeing him without you. Then they got you up out of bed a couple of times, and I wanted to be there to make sure you were OK. Then, finally, when the nurse came in to get you on your feet again and take a short walk, you insisted I go see the baby. But instead, I went down to my office just to give myself some time."