✰ ninjago oneshots ✰

i just need some space (lloyd g.)

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"Claustrophobic in my head hoping that
You'll never see it on my face
Put together on the outside on the inside
I'mma 'bouta break"

tw: anxiety attack, depression, displays of anger, blood

requested by: anonymous person

[takes place during the time between season ten and eleven]

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Sometimes he wondered if they ever knew what was happening inside of his head. Obviously it's hard to see, but can't they just ask? Can't they just take the time out of their own day to think of someone else?
Of course he didn't blame them for what they did to him, he knew that it wasn't intentional, but it still felt that way. It felt.. wrong.
   They had no clue.
It was impossible for them to know how he felt, but it still felt wrong that they didn't even consider it.
   They never took the time to consider anyone else but themselves, not knowing how it impacted that person.
It felt like nobody cared.
Empty.

    The others would come to him, requesting his help and support, but they rarely asked how he was doing.
He would help them without hesitation, but they rarely reciprocated.
It was understandable, but it still felt unfair.
Lloyd put all his effort into helping them but felt neglected when he needed help himself.
He was tired of it all, tired of being strong for them and tired of being invisible to them.
   Lloyd felt like everything was falling apart, like his whole world was coming undone.

    He slammed his hand into the mirror hanging on the bathroom wall, shattering it into pieces.
Blood splattered on the wall.
    Tears streamed down his face as he let out a choked-back sob.
He could feel his breathing becoming rapid and shallow, and his whole body was shaking with uncontrollable shivers.
   Lloyd let out a painful scream, but his voice was barely audible, as he was panting and breathing rapidly.
The pain in his head was unbearable.

   Soon, his tears stopped falling and he felt numb; empty inside.
   The anxiety attack had moved onto its second phase, the feeling of emptiness and numbness.
Lloyd sat down on the floor and stared at the tiles. He couldn't feel anymore.

He was empty, he couldn't feel pain nor sadness.

That's when anger filled him, it coursed through every single fiber of his being and he felt so furious at everyone and everything.
   It clouded his mind and he couldn't remember anything else.
He let out a cold and bitter laugh.
"They just care about their Green Ninja."

"I just wanted someone to care. I wanted someone to ask me how I was. I just wanted someone to say that they cared, but nobody did."
"Nobody ever does."

  He sat up and leaned his weight against the bathtub. Bloody handprints smeared their way across the cold, granite tub.
   He sighed and looked down as his hands trembled. There was no time for him to take a break, the world needed him. He closed his eyes hard, trying desperately to not fall apart.
It was hard work maintaining himself together, he was so, so worn out.
   Yet, he couldn't fail, he couldn't fail everyone who relied on him. He had to do this, for the sake of his friends and the world.
He washed his hands, rinsing away every thought.

  There was no time for anything else, he had to get ready for another mission.

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