White Noise // Noah Sebastian

12.

Author's note
I just want to say thank you for voting and reading. This is my favorite story I've written so far and it's so fun for me.
This chapter has a trigger warning for physical/mental abuse and derogatory remarks regarding weight.

I am my own worst enemy.

I set fire to the rain and watch as my life spreads into a deadly wildfire.

I am the problem.

  "It doesn't have to be this way, Av." Nadia sighed, trying to level with me over FaceTime. "Yes it does. I'm not built for his world. We're not Nadia and Spencer." I responded as I wiped tears from my face and snuggled Jaxson. She scoffed. "You don't think Spencer and I haven't had issues?" I shook my head no. "You guys are perfect." She rolled her eyes. "Just talk to him. I gotta go." I gave her a sad smile and rolled over, Jaxson readjusting to have his head resting on my shoulder.

  I opened up mine and Noah's text thread, we've barely spoken within the last month. With him overseas and me constantly busting my ass at work, there's been no time. I don't know how to make time.

Noah: Can we talk?

I hate that question. Noah and I officially broke up one week ago today and the news spread like a virus on social media, and fans had their own theories, and not nice ones. The decision was mine, and wasn't easy. I didn't just break his heart, I destroyed my own. Before I could even respond my phone lit up from his FaceTime call.

"Hi." I gave him a sad smile. "Hi beautiful." Even broken up, he'll never stop calling me beautiful. I have so much love for this man, I just have too much baggage, and a whole different life. "How can I make this right?" He asked, sounding stressed out. I hate that I did this to him. "Noah, you know this is nothing you can fix. I'm the problem. I'm broken when it comes to this kind of thing..we have different worlds."

  "You can't just run away from all of your problems, Avery." I know that, but I still will. That's my defense mechanism, how it's always been and I can't break the cycle. "Noah..I've got to go." He sadly nodded. "Sleep well, Avery."

  I put my hands up to my face, old, ugly memories flooding back into my mind.

  "You piece of shit. You'll never get anywhere with a body like that. You think your tattoos will cover that I up? You don't deserve to be loved, you disgust me." Gavin screamed in my face as I was pinned up to a wall, sobbing. He let me go as I fell to the ground. "No one will love you like I use to." He threw his beer can at me and walked out, leaving me a mess on the floor. That was the last time I ever saw him.

His words sting to this day. It's the reason why I've done nothing but focus on the job, why I'm so closed off. I was interrupted from my thoughts as the door bell rang. I looked at my watch as I rolled out of bed towards the door. 11pm, why am I being bothered?

"Brent and Cal? What are you doing here?" I was shocked to see the duo. "Obviously here to see how you're doing and we have a business proposition for you." Brent stated as the waltzed into my house. "I have to be up at 5 for work, can we talk tomorrow?" I was throughly confused as the two men in front of me were wheeling their luggage to the spare room, apparently not getting a say if they stay here or not.

A minute goes by and they strolled back into the living room. "No we've got to talk now. As of now, you are officially on vacation." Excuse me? "What the fuck is going on, guys? I just took vacation and you saw how that ended." I crossed my arms. "About that, Pat called me. They need a fill in photographer for their new tour. It's a two month long tour and they leave in two days." Cal explained before Brent took over.

"And before you can interject or say no, too bad because we already told Pat yes and you would never say no to him. I already spoke with dad and he agreed because he loves you and you've been moping around the office. Cal and I are staying here and watching Binx and Jaxson."

I stared at the two men in disbelief and shrugged my shoulders. "I mean I have no choice, so since you've figured my life out for me, help me pack my shit." I pointed at my suitcase and shook my head.

"Av, you deserve to be happy even when you think you don't, and I know you had a hard time adjusting last time to the touring world but we also saw your eyes shine and come to life. Give this life another chance. I can feel it in my bones that you were made for this." I smiled, so desperately wanting to let myself believe it.

I did my packing and hopped into bed. So many emotions swirling around but most of all I'm excited to see my friends hoping to get me out of my head.

The next day I woke up ready to go, excited that I don't have to stand in a stupid airport because the first stop is right here at home.

"Honey, I'm home!" I could hear Patrick yell from my kitchen, along with Ricky yelling right behind him. I heard a crash before I could make it from the bedroom to meet them.

"For fucks sake, you two are in my house unsupervised for one second and you're already breaking my plates." I rolled my eyes as I walked into the kitchen with Brent and Cal in tow. This is going to be so good for you A, we're so excited to have you with us. I promise you we'll have a good time." Patrick said softly as he hugged me. "Well since you didn't give me the choice, we better.

I said goodbye to Brent and Cal. "Thank you guys, I know it doesn't seem like it, but it was nice of you guys to do this for me. I will try to make the most of it," I gave Binx and Jaxson some kisses and pets and then we all headed out the door and headed to our bus.