Down the road of memories

Welcome home

Elle POV

The weekend was ahead of us! Noah had told me he was taking me outside for the weekend. I was excited at the prospect! Our evening at the Hollywood letters yesterday had been magical. The weekend was full of promise but slightly marred by the prospect of Noah leaving for Boston. A long-distance relationship for a minimum of a few weeks was going to be our reality again. I tried not to think about it so that I wouldn't fall into my spiral of negative thoughts which hurt me a lot when I was younger.

We were Noah and I in his car, him gently stroking my hand with his free hand and me telling him about the ups and downs of my day at work. Until I recognized the path he took. I felt my body become tense. Noah must have sensed my change in mood as he only took my hand and looked at me saying:
- It's all right Elle! Simply our last stop on the path of memories.

I smiled shyly at him and then remained silent until I got out of the car to stand frozen in place in front of ... the beach house!

I've never been back here since I said goodbye to Noah on the beach. For the first few years, I didn't want to relive that moment in my head over and over again...

This house was filled with ghosts for me: the one of my mom in the dining room bringing me my birthday cake or Lee, Noah and I kids playing on the beach. But the one that touched me the most was also the most recent, that of the 18-year-old girl standing on the beach, heartbroken, grieving painfully for a second time...

Flashback to the beach house 6 years ago

- Please don't forget me." He whispered to me before walking away without ever looking back.

I think that's when I knew it was really over. I had always hoped that he would tell me that he was sorry, that we could fight for each other and make it work. But, he chose not to do it and left me behind. I would have liked to stop him and make him turn around, but I didn't. I swallowed the tears that burned my throat and then simply whispered:
- Goodbye, Noah.

I plastered a smile on my face before joining Lee. He looked at me sideways before saying:
- Are you okay, Elle?
- I'm fine, Lee. Or I'm going to be eventually.
- Do you want to come with me? We could go to dinner together at the Santa Monica pier.
- That's nice Lee, but I think I need some time to deconstruct it all in my head.

After a big hug from Lee and closing the beach house, I landed at the cemetery with my head resting on my mother's headstone. I would have given anything for her motherly arms to surround me at that very moment. The tears started flowing freely and I told my mother everything. How lost I was, how my heart was broken. How I would have given anything to have his advice so precious at that moment. I felt weary and exhausted when I heard:
- Rochelle Evans?

I opened my eyes and recognized Dr. Liliane Smith. It was the emergency room doctor who had taken care of my mother on many occasions when her cancer recurred and she had to be rehospitalized. She's also a friend of June's and I saw her a few times after my mom passed away.
- Yes it's me! Hi Dr. Smith.
- I remember you! You're the 9-year-old girl who came to the emergency room to borrow a stethoscope to save all the little girls' moms.

I smiled at the memory as I recalled the conversations I had with Dr. Smith during and after my mother's hospitalizations. She herself had lost her husband in a car accident. If there was one person who understood what I was going through, it was her! She hugged me while I explained everything to her:
- I understand, Rochelle. It's not easy to grieve. Want some advice?
- Yes of course!
- What helps is to create a spring.
- What do you mean?
- Do something you've always wanted. Or accomplish something that seems impossible to you. By focusing on a few other things, you will realize that the injury hurts less and less day by day! Your mom always told us she thought you could do anything! But the question today is, what do you want to do?

I felt much better coming back from the cemetery that day. I was ready to create a spring for myself. I then made the decision to block Noah on social media. I enrolled in pre-med school 2 days later thinking that if I didn't like it, I could always start in video game design in the winter as planned. I loved medicine and a few weeks after I started university, I applied for the internship in Africa. I was ready to shoot for the moon again...

Back to the present

I would have liked to talk to the Elle of yesteryear completely lost standing on this beach! To take her in my arms and tell her that despite the sadness of the moment, she was about to experience a turning point in her path that would lead her to live the experience of her life. The truth is, she's going to be okay and even happy! Others have done this for me, Dr. Smith, June, Linda...

I was gazing at the ocean replaying the scene in my head when I heard my name behind me:
- Elle? Are you okay?

Noah came out of the house looking for me. It was weird to think that this is exactly what I would have liked him to do that afternoon. But maybe we both needed that parenthesis in our lives. When he was close to me, I let myself go in his arms and breathed in his lemongrass smell that had always reassured me in the past.
- All right! " I said. "I've been invaded by all the ghosts of the past in this house."
- And aren't they all happy?" he asked with a sigh.
- No!" I said with a sad smile. "I'm allowing us to be nostalgic tonight. But tomorrow, shall we rebuild the future?"

He initiated a smile before giving me a kiss in the very place where he had asked me not to forget him. Six years later, the parenthesis was closed, the circle was closed...

Noah POV

I wasn't sure what to expect this evening. Elle had been very emotional when she arrived at the beach house... and so do I. We had a quiet little dinner under the gazebo while Elle told me what she had done after I asked her not to forget me on that beach. Little did I know that it was that same day when she met Dr. Smith that she decided to enter medicine. I also told her what I had done...

Flashback, beach house 6 years earlier

- I'm sorry it didn't work out between us.
- That's just the way it is, that's all." She said without looking me in the eye.

I knew I'd been an idiot to end our relationship like that, but I was flabbergasted that she would act like she didn't care. I looked down at the ground, defeated... before I heard her sigh and finally say:
- Me too!

I looked up to see her eyes filled with tears, knowing full well that mine were too. I hugged her, letting her smell and body warmth imprint itself on my mind for the days of solitude to come. I wanted to tell her that it's worth fighting for each other. But, she deserves to be able to make her own decisions without having to take me into consideration. I wanted to tell her to wait for me and that in 3 years when I finished my pre-law studies, I could come back to California. But it wasn't fair to her! The reality of my breakup with her hit me in the face at that moment. Did I have the courage in me to let her go?

I tilted my head to kiss her close to the ear and whispered:
- Please don't forget me!

Then I left without looking back. I couldn't do it! I quickly made my way back to my bike, wiping my face with my hands. I left the beach house driving up the road along the coast. I stopped to take a small path leading me to a cliff overlooking the ocean. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon. I allowed myself to let the tears I've been holding back all day to flow. Until I heard myself say:
- It's painful but it was the only solution...

Back to the present

I've spent the last 6 years trying to convince myself that I was right. Above all, I did not let my mind imagine what my life would have been like if I had made a different decision.

This evening while listening to Elle's story, I realized that the difference between her and me from this day forward is that she has created a spring for herself! She's had a great adventure! Me, I have... survived doing what was expected of me! We were both very emotional contemplating the lost years, but I think we had to give ourselves that time and that right. We fell asleep in each other's arms, crying. 6 years later we are both home together...