Down the road of memories

Carrying Children Of Our Own

Noah POV

Elle and I have been through a lot of emotion since we got back from our honeymoon. Between Rachel's pregnancy announcement and Elle's pregnancy, we had little time to settle down. Knowing that Elle was pregnant again, we had to revisit that night in Atlantic City. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a feeling it had happened and that I wished we could have gotten back together at that time. But looking back, it wasn't the best time to have a baby especially since Elle wasn't done with school and her internship would have been delayed. Today, we are married and have a house. My studies are finished and I have a secure job that can easily support Elle and me. Only Elle's studies are not completed since she has 4 years of residency left. Finishing a residency with a child will not be easy but I know that we will be able to count on the help of my mother who will be more than happy to take care of her grandchild.

Elle was also very nervous about how I would take the news of this previous pregnancy that I was unaware of until now. She admitted to me while crying that she felt and still feels guilt about the decisions she made at that time. If she had made the decision to take the internship in Boston, would our first child be there? I tried to reassure her that we would always tell each other that we could have done things differently. My goal was to put an end to this spiral of guilt in Elle's head but unfortunately, it started to turn in mine.

What if I had shared my plans to join Elle in Baltimore after law school? What if at her father's wedding I had already told her about the possibility of me interning in Baltimore? What if instead of going radio silent for 3 years after our breakup, I had called her after the first Thanksgiving when Chloe told me that if I wanted to talk to Elle, she would be willing to talk to me? What if, on top of that hill in LA when she asked me if breaking up was really what I wanted and I had told her... NO?

These are hypothetical circumstances, but my mind tends to want to go there. Would we have gotten here the same way? That's what I shared with Elle, a week after she found out she was pregnant. It had been a tough week for her and the fatigue of pregnancy left her with little energy in the evenings. We were both lying on the couch, Elle nestled between my legs with her head on my chest as I gently caressed her belly.
- Guilt is so insinuating!" she said with a sigh. "I would be lying to you if I didn't have this reflection on what happened during that famous summer. But what I discovered is that unfortunately we can't go back and change what we did or the decisions we made. We can, however, change the future." she said looking at me. "What did we learn from our mistakes during that famous summer that can allow us to be better in our roles as future parents?
- For my part, I want to invest myself in this pregnancy. You will probably find me overprotective." I told her which earned me a roll of the eyes from my wife.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing and kiss the tip of her nose.
- And for my part, I'm going to be honest and ask you for help when I need it." she said to me.
- I think that's a good deal!" I told her with a satisfied smile.
- And for starters, I'm probably going to need you to carry me to bed because I'm going to fall asleep in front of the movie."
- Deal! Will you let me choose the movie since you're going to fall asleep soon?"
- I think that's fair!" she told me, already yawning.

And sure enough, it wasn't long before Shelly finally fell asleep.

A few days later, I was at the office trying to get as much work done as possible before leaving for the afternoon. Elle has her first gynecologist appointment today and I won't miss it. An hour before I was due to leave, my secretary came into my office.
- Master Flynn, the plaintiff in the Fairfax vs. Meyer case would like to see you urgently.
- That will have to wait until tomorrow! I'm leaving in a few minutes for the afternoon." I told her without even looking up from my screen.
- But this is the only time that is not filled in your schedule. And this client will only be satisfied if you see her quickly.
- I understand, Gladys, but I have an important appointment with my wife this afternoon that I cannot miss. As soon as there is a gap in my schedule, I will be happy to see Mrs. Fairfax." I told her in a definitive tone.