Down the road of memories

Carrying the weight of the world

Elle POV

I was still in shock when I joined Noah at the front door of the hospital.
- You're okay Elle!" he told me with a frown.
- It's been a big day!" I told him simply as I slipped into his arms, letting his lemongrass scent calm me.
- This day has probably made you experience a lot." he told me while in my head I was thinking: if you knew how much. "Do you want to tell me about it?
- Yes, but not here! Let's go home! Maybe pick up some things for dinner on the way. I don't think I'm in good enough shape to cook tonight." I told him and I saw his eyebrows furrow again.

Since we got back together, I always cooked in the evening even if I came back very late from my shift. But tonight, I just didn't feel up to it... and I still had a bit of nausea. The car ride was uncomfortable. I knew Noah had a lot of questions but out of respect for me he repressed them until we got home.

Once our take-out meal was finished, Noah took my hand before I got up to do the dishes and said to me:
- So this day wasn't easy? You can tell me anything, Elle! We've already been released from our professional secrets due to the situation." he said to me as he took my hand and ran his thumb over the back of it.

I took a few minutes to think about how I was going to approach everything I had to say to him when suddenly, the emotions just came flooding back.
- That was awful, Noah!" I told him as tears were already starting to roll down my cheeks. Damn hormones! "I know that young girl probably did what was best for her and that baby by abandoning him. And I don't judge her at all! But it brought me back to that day when my own mother left and... abandoned me.
- Oh Shelly..." he said as he pulled me out of my chair and sat me on his lap. "...do you still miss her that much?

It was more of a statement than a question.
- I think I'm always going to miss her and that certain moments along the way will just bring me back to the reality of her absence. She didn't abandon me by choice, but I still felt abandoned... And that led me to want to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders to take care of Brad and my father.
- It always struck me how much pressure you put on yourself to meet everyone's needs but you didn't let anyone take care of you." He told me, tucking a strand of my hair behind one of my ears.
- It's easier when you don't depend on anyone! The feeling of abandonment is less big. But, there are times when I wish someone would take care of me...

Noah took a few minutes to think before saying to me:
- Are you going to let me take care of you, Elle? Are you going to trust me enough to be vulnerable and let me fill your weaknesses?

I sighed before saying,
- It's easier to hide information than to be honest. I've been doing it for years.
- We're married now, Shelly. I choose to share the happy and difficult moments of your life. Like the mornings when you wake up feeling nauseous and the evenings when you're too tired after dinner to go to our room to sleep." He said to me, intertwining our fingers.
- Did you realize that?
- I've known you since the first day of your life, Shelly. I don't think there's any way you can hide from me that you're not well. So...

I sighed and hid my face behind my hands. This is it, I thought.
- I asked Dr. Michelle Taylor at work to do a blood test on me. I had gallbladder stones in medical school and very low iron levels which gave me much the same symptoms.
- Ok ... and ... " Noah asked me visibly worried all of a sudden.
- That's not it...
- ... and what is it! Please, Shelly tell me the truth. I prefer to know than to make up a bunch of catastrophic scenarios in my head.
- I think the wish you shared with me on the banks of the Seine has finally come true! " I told him while his face told me that he was starting to understand.
- Please tell me that's what I think!" he told me excited but waiting for me to confirm his suspicions.
- I'm pregnant!" I told him simply and it was instantaneous that he stood up and took me in his arms to make me turn around the room.