Ever After (ONC 2024)

Chapter 2 - Be Careful Which Star You Wish On

 "Listen, lady," Arthur said. "I've had a really terrible day and you're trespassing in my home right now. I don't know if you're looking for money or drugs to feed your habit, but you're not going to find either of those things here. If you don't remove yourself from the premises immediately, I'm afraid you're going to leave me with no choice but to call the authorities on you."

The Blue Fairy let out a loud laugh.

"Oh, you think that's funny?" Arthur pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'll have you know home invasion is considered a felony in this state. We'll see how much you're laughing when you're spending the next twelve to fifteen years behind bars."

The Blue Fairy wiped tears from her eyes as she continued to howl with laughter. "Oh, you are just a hoot, young man. I haven't had a good belly laugh like that in at least a century. I, of course, recognize no human authority. Besides, you're the one who brought me here when you wished upon my star."

"You keep saying your star," Arthur said. "I'm pretty sure nobody can own stars. Who sold you that star anyway? I'd like to see their license and documentation that says they are legally permitted to do so."

"If you really must know, I won that star fair and square in a card game with the Demon Lord Sh'zgroth nearly three thousand years ago. I assure you it is my star. And an interesting fact about my star is that when someone makes a wish upon it, their dreams come true. And you, my mortal friend, did just that. Ergo I have no choice but to grant your wish. Now I believe there is someone at your front door."

Right on cue a frantic knocking came from the front of the house.

"Who could be calling at this hour?" Arthur asked. "I swear, if this is one of your criminal buddies coming to help rob me, I'll..." He turned to confront the Blue Fairy but she was nowhere to be seen.

In the meantime the rapping at the front door was getting louder and more insistent.

"All right, all right, I'm coming." Arthur paused to grab a golf club from the closet in the hopes of defending himself against any would-be attackers. He peered through the peephole in the door, but couldn't see anything through it. Nonetheless the knocking continued.

He cautiously pulled the door slightly ajar, and before he knew what was happening, three short creatures dressed in overalls pushed it all the way open and burst into his house. At first he thought they were children, but then he realized they were pigs walking on their hind legs.

"Don't just stand there like a moron!" one of the pigs shouted at him. "Close the door! And bolt it, for crying out loud!"

"Oh no," Arthur said. "I'm pretty sure it's a violation of my lease to have livestock in my house. You need to go."

"Are you crazy?" another pig asked. "We're not going back out there. The Big Bad Wolf is coming!"

"The what now?" Arthur asked. Out of the corner of his eye he saw an enormous shadow coming rapidly up the walkway before the third pig slammed the door shut.

"He's a homicidal maniac!" the first pig shouted.

"A brutal savage!" the second one chimed in.

"He murdered our cousin Hamish a few days ago," the third pig said. "Just ripped open his chest and ate the still-beating heart right in front of his wife and kids. Then he ate them, too."

"And you brought this guy here?" Arthur asked. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"We need a house to protect us," the first pig said. "I had one that I built out of straw, but he blew that sucker down."