Ever After (ONC 2024)

Chapter 6 - Kisses Are Magical

And nothing happened.

"Well, I tried," Arthur wiped his brow. "Didn't work. Maybe we can throw some sticks and leaves on top of her and hide her from the wolf."

"That was the worst kiss I've ever seen in my life," Gretel said.

"What? That's how I kiss my Nana," Arthur said.

"Yeah, and that's the problem!" Gretel flung her hands up in exasperation. "No one's going to wake up from a kiss like that! You barely touched her!"

"I touched her!" Arthur said. "There was some incidental lip on lip contact!"

"That barely qualified as a peck," Gretel shook her head in disgust.

"I've got to agree," Hamlet spoke up. "That was some weak sauce. Do better."

"All right, all right!" Arthur rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. "I'll give it another go. This just feels really wrong, you know what I mean? I feel like a total creep. And it doesn't help that you two are hovering over me. It creates a lot of pressure. You think you could go stand over on the other side of the clearing or something?"

"No, Gretel crossed her arms across her middle. "I'm going to stay right here and make sure you do this right."

Hamlet pulled out the bag of trail mix and started munching on it.

"Fine," Arthur said. "But you guys are making this weirder than it already is. Jeez, I wish now I'd taken the time to brush my teeth back at the witch's house." He cracked his knuckles and then leaned down again. This time he pressed his mouth firmly on the sleeping princess's lips.

"That's better," Gretel said. "Now maybe put a little tongue into it."

"I think that's quite enough," Arthur said as he broke the kiss and stood back up. "It's either going to work this time or it's not going to work at all."

They stared at the sleeping woman with bated breath. After a moment her eyes started to flutter and she began to stir. "What the-?" she yawned as she sat up slowly. "Where am I?"

"You're in the Enchanted Forest," Gretel said. "Someone put a sleeping spell on you and left you out here."

"Not again," the princess muttered. "That's like the third time that's happened in the past year. Anyway, which one of you woke me up?"

"He did," Gretel and Hamlet said at the same time as they pointed at Arthur.

"At your service, ma'am," he said as he gave a little bow. He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw a look of disappointment pass across the princess's face.

"Oh, I see," she said. "Well, I suppose I owe you my gratitude. So what kingdom are you in line to inherit?"

"Uh, none," Arthur said. "I'm not a prince."

"You're not?" the princess frowned. "It's usually princes who come to the rescue. You're at least rich, right?"

"Not particularly," Arthur said. "If anything I'm probably undercompensated for the work that I do. I've been trying to put a little bit away for retirement, but rent and groceries are expensive these days."

"I see," she said as she stood up and straightened out her long fancy dress. "Well, it was nice meeting you, but I'd better get back home. My boyfriend is probably worried sick about me."

"If he was so worried, then why didn't he come and rescue you?" Arthur asked.

"I'm sure he was on his way. He probably just got sidetracked, um, slaying a dragon or, um, rescuing a village from an ogre or something." The princess's eyes darted from side to side.