Ever After (ONC 2024)

Chapter 4 - The Plan

"So what's this big plan of yours?" Arthur asked.

"It's simple!" the pig smiled. "We sit here and wait."

"That's not a plan," Arthur rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "That's what we're doing already. And if we keep doing it we're going to die."

"No, you see, eventually the Big Bad Wolf always tracks us pigs down. He'll be here sooner or later. You can count on it. And when he shows up, he'll blow this house down and then we'll run away again. Say, where's my brother anyway?"

"Um, I don't know," Arthur avoided making eye contact with the little pig. "It was just you, me, and the little girl in here when I woke up. And I'm not so sure about this plan. Even if the wolf shows up and blows the house down, aren't we still going to be stuck in this cell and therefore easy pickings?"

"If he can blow a house down, he can blow a cell down," the pig said confidently.

"But then where do we go? The wolf will still be trying to kill us."

"We simply take shelter in another house and do the whole thing all over again," the pig said.

"There has to be a better solution than that," Arthur said. "She's just one little old woman. There are three of us. I think we can overpower her, even with her taser. We've just got to get her to come down here again."

The pig rubbed the hairs on his chinny chin chin thoughtfully. "How are we going to do that? The little girl was just saying she sometimes doesn't come for days at a time."

"Well, we're just going to have to get her attention somehow." Arthur squinted up at the beams of light that were streaming through the floorboards overhead. "I think I might have an idea. Hey, pig. Uh, what's your name anyway?"

"I'm Hamlet," the pig smiled as he patted his chest.

"Okay, Hamlet. Why don't you and I hoist Gretel up and she can pound on the floorboards with her hands. At the same time we can all yell at the top of our voices. Hopefully that'll create enough of a ruckus to make the witch come back down here."

Arthur and Hamlet kneeled down and held their hands like a cradle so Gretel could step up. She put her arms around their shoulders to support herself as they stood up and then raised her high enough that she could reach the ceiling. She started hammering wildly with her hands as she let out a shrill scream while Hamlet squealed and Arthur shouted as loud as he could. They carried on like this for what felt like forever before they finally heard the creak of a door opening and footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Why are the little mousies getting so restless down here?" she rasped. "I'm trying to remember my best recipe for roasted little girl and I can't hear myself think."

"We have to get her to open up the cage," Gretel whispered as they lowered her back to the ground.

Arthur winked at her and turned to face the witch. "Sorry to bother you, ma'am, but we just discovered a plump little boy in the cell with us. He says his meat is tender and juicy and all he wants out of life is to be eaten and enjoyed by someone with a refined palate who can appreciate the gastronomic qualities he brings to the table."

"Is that so?" the witch licked her lips involuntarily. "I've already started chopping up the girl and prepping some condiments. Just how plump is this little boy?"

"Oh, extremely plump," Arthur said. "He's nice and round like a beach ball. Why don't you come in here and take a look for yourself?"

"I don't remember capturing anyone like that," the witch muttered. "Still, if he's as plump as you say he is, I'd better come see. No funny business now. I've got my taser ready." She unlocked the door and came shuffling in slowly.