Ever After (ONC 2024)

Chapter 3 - Always Treat Your Guests Nicely

 Arthur woke up with the worst headache he'd ever had in his life. His vision was a little blurry even with his glasses on, but from what he could tell he seemed to be locked up in a dank and dimly lit cage with dirt walls, suggesting he was somewhere underground. There weren't any windows, but there were some cracks in the ceiling overhead that were letting a few scattered rays of light through. From time to time he could hear creaking sounds and the sound of stomping feet coming from above. Outside the cell he could see his backpack hanging on a peg next to a narrow wooden staircase leading upwards. There was an aroma of grilled meat wafting into the cell from somewhere nearby and his tummy let out an involuntary growl.

"Oh you're awake," a child's voice said and Arthur realized for the first time that he wasn't alone in the cell. A chubby little girl whose face was caked in dirt sat on a pile of moldy straw in the corner. "My name's Gretel. What's yours?"

"Arthur," he rasped. His throat was painfully dry and there didn't seem to be any buckets of water or anything nearby.

"Your friends are still sleeping," she indicated the two little pigs who were passed out on top of each other in the opposite corner. "But in the meantime you and I can have a nice conversation. It's been ever so lonely since the mean old witch took my brother Hansel away."

"I'm sorry, did you say witch?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, that awful old hag captured us and has kept us down here for weeks. She kept feeding us candy and cakes and wouldn't give us anything else. And you know what? Her sweets didn't even taste that good. They all tasted like salt."

"That's because they're seasoned with children's tears," a creaky voice said from behind them. "I find it adds a nice savory flavor."

Arthur whirled around to see the old crone who had greeted them at the door emerge from the shadows near the staircase. She lifted a small human leg to her maw, bit a bloody chunk out of it, and smacked her lips noisily.

"I recognize the birthmark on that leg," Gretel sobbed. "That's my brother Hansel she's eating."

"Fat children really are the tastiest," the witch said as she gnawed at a piece of gristle stuck to a bone that was protruding from the severed end of the leg. "Would you care to try a sample?" She stuck the foot through the bars in a token of offering.

Arthur struggled to keep from retching.

"I'm sorry, my eyes are weak and I don't see very well," the witch said. "Are you reaching for this leg?" She shoved the leg in farther and the toes rubbed against Arthur's face.

"You know, I thought I was hungry earlier, but I forgot that my friend hosted a smorgasbord at her house this evening and I stuffed myself to the gills," Arthur said as he batted the foot away. "As much as I'd love to partake in human child, I simply couldn't eat another bite. You can finish that off, if you want."

"Bah," the witch said as she tossed the leg over her shoulder. It hit the dirt wall behind her with an audible thump and then disappeared into the shadows. "I've been feasting on this boy for the past several days. He's starting to go bad. It's a shame to let good meat go to waste, but then why should I suffer subpar victuals when I've got such a plentiful supply in my little pantry down here? Now which one of you is the plumpest and therefore the tastiest?" She reached a long gnarled finger through the bars and poked Arthur in the tummy. "Ah, you're nice and flabby in the middle. I bet your meat is tender, flavorful, and falls right off the bone."

Arthur had never had anyone talk about his meat before, and he couldn't say it was a pleasant topic of conversation. "You said children were the tastiest, and I'll have you know I'm a full grown man."