The War Against The World

chapter five

it was around 2:30 in the morning and Otis couldn't sleep, he was just laying in his bed thinking.

Otis wanted to be happy, he really did but something just felt off. he didn't understand it, everything's going right in is life as of right now, but he still didn't feel happy, at least not like he used to.

ever since he's dad and sister passed away he hasn't felt the same, it's like he just couldn't feel joy. it was like all the color was sucked out of the world, life just seems so dull.

he really had it all. he had a perfect family, a nice house, he went to a nice school, he had friends.
but now it was all gone, he had nothing left.

he wanted to be happy, he really did, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to have friends and party like a normal teenager, but he just couldn't. no matter what he did it just didn't feel right.

he should be fine by now, at the least he should be doing a little better but he isn't, it's been months since he lost them, but he still feels empty. it's like he just couldn't get over it.

he's tried everything he can think of yet none of it worked, he was stuck in this endless cycle of tragedy. he was tired. so. fucking. tired.

Otis needed to distract himself, he couldn't just keep thinking about this over and over again, so he got up and went to grab some water.

he slowly walked down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible so he wouldn't wake his mother. he slowly turned around the corner into the kitchen, he grabbed one of the glass cups and walked over to the tap to fill it up.

he stood there for a bit, in the kitchen, just in the lonely silence of the night. it felt too quiet, it made him even more sad.

the house felt empty, it felt like a ghost town. before all this happened there was always something going on, that either being the sounds of laughter from his mom and dad's bedroom, or the sounds of his sisters tv because she could never sleep without it on, just something.

but now it was all quiet, and lonely.

he couldn't stand it, this isn't fair, this shouldn't be happening. why did the world do this!

Otis began to sob, just sob, that's all he could do. he was powerless, he felt weak. he couldn't take it.

he ran up to his room, not caring about the noise he made. he immediately went to his bookshelf and pulled out a book, this wasn't some ordinary book though, inside this book was all the stuff he hid away from everyone. he had cigarettes, vapes, weed, and most importantly blades. he grabbed one and ran off into his bathroom.

with tears streaming down his face, he locked the bathroom door and slid down the wall so he was sitting in the corner of the bathroom on the floor.

"should i really do this?" Otis asked himself while he stared down at the blade in his hands, it glistened back at him almost like a taunt. he would be erasing all his progress he's made.
did he really want that?

"it's not like it's going to make much of a difference anyway." Otis whispered to himself

he slowly rolled up his sleeve, looking down at his arm. seeing all the scars that covered his pail skin, skin that was once soft and perfect, now covered in tuff ugly lines. his tears blurring over his vision.

he hated himself for this, this made him ugly, one cut. he was worthless, another cut. he didn't deserve happiness, the third cut. he was losing the most important battle in his life, one more cut much deeper then the rest.

"shit." that was a little too deep. Otis's heart was pounding, got off the ground and walked over to the sink, he turned on the tap and turned it as hot as it would go.

he took a deep breath and moved his arm under the water. "motherfucker." he hissed out biting his lip, trying not to make another noise. that part hurt almost as much if not more as actually cutting into his skin.

the hot water ran down his arm, cleaning out the cuts and washing away all the crimson red that covered him.

once he washed all the blood off, he tried his arm grabbed a bandage and wrapped it around him before the blood had a chance to cover him again.

his arm was throbbing, it hurt so bad it brought tears to his eyes, not that you could tell because he was already crying beforehand.
"i deserve this." Otis said to himself over and over again

he rolled his sleeve back down as soon as he finished bandaging himself, it added more pressure to his arm so hopefully it would stop the bleeding faster. he already felt a little lightheaded from not eating much in the last couple weeks, he didn't want the blood to loss make him pass out.

soon Otis walked out of his bathroom and headed straight to his bed. he just wanted to go to bed, he felt so worthless. all he could think about is how disgusting he was and how his mom would be so disappoint in him if she seen what he just did.

he really missed his sister right now. when he was sad, she would always hold him when he cried, she would listen to anything he had to say, she never judged him.

she was his best friend for so long but now she's gone.

this made him angry. he shouldn't have to deal with this, the world was such a bitch. the world took everything from him, and he was bitter about it.

he was sick and tired of this nonsense. the world shouldn't be able to have this much control, he shouldn't be so powerless. 

he wasn't winning this fight at all, as hard as it is to admit. it was pathetic, he should at least be close to the victory. after so long of this constant battle, he still wasn't any closer to success then he was at the beginning.

all he could do was cry, he was so fucking powerless. he cursed the world out for doing this to him.

what did he do that was so wrong that he deserved this?