The War Against The World

chapter six

Otis woke up to his alarm yet again, it was already 6:00.

he was exhausted, he hardly slept last night, and the little sleep he did get was shit too.

he was tempted to just roll over and ignore his alarm, but he didn't, he couldn't, he slowly got up.

as soon as Otis sat up he let out a hiss of pain, he immediately looked down at his arms, the sight before him almost made me start crying.

his arms were still covered by his black long sleeve shirt, but you still could very much see the bandage wrapped around his left arm.

"shit, no, no, no, shit!!" Otis panicked. his breathing immediately picking up.

he was doing so good, what happened! this can't be happening. he was devastated, he hadn't done this in so long. what happened?

Otis looked down at his arm in disbelief mixed with disappointment, he was ashamed of himself, he felt worthless.

the Otis thought for a second. what would happen if his mom found out?! "fuck!" oh God, he was screwed.

this couldn't be happening. was he really that weak and worthless that he couldn't stop himself from this?

maybe he didn't deserve to get better.

he needed to calm down, if he didn't want to get caught he needed to calm down. he slowly took a deep breath in, and slowly let it out. repeating that a couple times.

he needed to distract himself, so he slowly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom.

he looked into the mirror staring at the reflection that was in front of him, it didn't feel like him, it didn't look like him.

he looked pale, he under eyes were dark, his cheeks bones prominent, he just looked sick. he felt sick.

he missed his old self, the one who was always so joyful and happy.

Otis let out a weak sighed, he needed to get ready before he was late. he slowly brushed his teeth and finished up all his morning tasks. 

all he wanted to do was crawl in whole and slowly die. he was disgusting, he felt disgusting.

he walked back into his room and over to his closet, he grabbed the first thing he seen, which happened to be a lose pare of blue jeans with a  olive green sweater.

he finished getting dressed and grabbed his bag and walked out the door. he felt weak, and not just mentally, he felt like he was on the verge of passing out.

he slowly stumbled down the stairs, and walked over to the kitchen knowing that's where his mom would be.

Otis turned the corner to see his mother making up her morning coffee, like she does every morning.

he really hope she would notice the bandage wrapped around his arm. it was hardly noticeable under his shirt, but nonetheless he was terrified.

"mom" Otis mumbled out. "yes hunny?" he's mom answer back, not yet looking over to her son who looked to be on his death bed.

"did you make breakfast? i think i need to eat something." he asked with a soft groan.

his mom happily turned around with a bright smile. "of course hunny! do you want me to make you a plate?" she asked. she then looked over at her son. she took a pause, not quite expecting him to look like that. "we have plenty of time before we leave for you to eat." she said next

"yes please." Otis answered. he took a seat at the kitchen counter, he rested his head on the table as he mom made him a plate.

he's mom quickly made Otis a plate and sat it on the table with a glass of water. "here you go bumblebee. do you want anything else?" she petted his hair.

"thanks mom, i really appreciate it." he smiled at her. he was truly grateful for the mother he was, so graciously given.

"are you feeling alright darling? you don't look very good." she questioned, with a worried expression.

"i'm alright mom. i'm just tired, didn't get much sleep last night." he mumbled out. he quickly took his fork in his hand, and he dug into the eggs that was laying in front of him.

as much as he hated to eat them, he hasn't ate nearly as much as he should've in the last week, and it made him weak. it was definitely starting to show, so with all his strength he could muster he ate his food.

he wasn't exactly trying to starve himself, he just couldn't eat. he didn't feel like he deserved it, it felt like a luxury he wasn't supposed to have. it also took energy to eat, food obviously gave you energy, but it almost felt like it was more of a struggle then what it was worth. so it was just better not to.

Otis wouldn't say he had an eating disorder, he would much more consider it being lazy. but to be completely honest, Otis didn't think he had most of his issues that people say he did.

his therapist said he was depressed, Otis said he was just being a little dramatic. people said he's self harm was an issue, Otis said it was just him finding a solution. his doctor at the mental hospital said he had anger issues, Otis said he could be a little emotional at times.

to make a long story short, Otis just thought people like to think of him as emotionally unstable, when in his mind they were being dramatic.

either way he finished his food in record time. he slowly got up and walked over to the sink, he rinsed off his dishes to put in the dishwasher.

Otis wasn't excited for school at all. he didn't want people to look at him, they'd probably judge him for his dark circles and sickly look.

well it wasn't like he was trying to get their attention and approval, their opinions didn't matter anyway.

an idea popped in Otis's head, maybe he could get some new clothes. that would be something fun to do, he could easily get his mind off everything with a shopping trip.

although he hasn't really done anything like that in a while, for obvious reasons. he was nervous to go by himself.

he could go with his mother, the only thing wrong with that is, they definitely had their differences in opinions when it came to clothes.

his mom didn't exactly understand Otis's style. he would much rather go by himself then with her for that reason.

"it'll be fine" Otis reassured himself.

"hay mom, is it ok if you can drop me off at the mall after school? it's ok if not, i can just walk." he asked his mom nicely.

"of course bumblebee! it's no problem at all." his mom cheerfully responded.

the solution might not be for today but it'll work for tomorrow.

"oh dear, it's quite close to 7:30, we should get going." Otis's mother huffed. "welp grab your bag, i'll be in the car." she said walking out the door.

Otis grabbed his bag and quickly followed after her.

—————-
1204 words