The War Against The World

Chapter eighteen

Otis felt like a dead man walking.

It had been a couple of days after the party, or maybe it was a week, he didn't remember. But either way it's been sometime after the party hand Otis has still been at a low.

He was just a ghost of his past wondering around aimlessly, waiting to find peace and finally be put to rest.

He hadn't talked to Luke since then, and he's been restless. For some reason he's been missing him like crazy, his mind is going crazy.

He's soul was so lost and lonely, desperate to find peace and comfort. Deeply stricken by despair. A sadness that would never leave. His soul wandering around looking for closure. His mind stuck in the clouds.

He'd talked to Adam a couple of times at school and sometimes he'd drive him home, but other than that they haven't really talked. He really hasn't talked to anyone since then.

He felt like he was just there, not really present just there. He didn't know how to explain the feeling of emptiness.

Emptiness was everywhere.

Nothing felt real, but at the same time it all felt like too much. He didn't know what was going on. He's always felt like this since his family's passing, but now it's just so different.

He'd tried so hard to find balance in his life, to finally steady the rockiness and unsuitability he's had to face. But his efforts were proven fruitless countless times as the world wouldn't let up on its tireless escapade.

He was just left not feeling anything, not even sadness. Not grief, or pain, just Emptiness.

He gave it his all, only to be sucked dry of life.

He could talk to people, laugh with them, smile, have conversations easily but he wasn't really there. His head was in a different place, always day dreaming or thinking about nothing in particular.

He wasn't himself. He felt like a spectator in his own life.

At this point Otis didn't know if happiness could happen anymore, how could it?

How could he possibly be happy without the ones he love? He missed them, he missed himself with them. Was it really worth moving forward?

How could he focus on the future if he's still so stuck in the past?

It's so fucking hard having everything you could ever imagine and dream of to having nothing.

He didn't understand how life could get better after this. He's lived it all, there was nothing left he wanted out of the world.

It was pointless.

Otis didn't recognize himself anymore, it was like he was a husk of his old self. When he looked in a mirror the reflection that stared back was someone he didn't recognize. So cliché isn't it?

He hated the person he'd become, it wasn't anything like he wouldn't wished for. He's soul was just too drowned in Hiraeth he couldn't see past it.

His body was still here living, breathing, but his mind was gone, washed away with the tears. All that was left of his soul was a sad little boy with memories.

Why the fuck did he feel like this?

This isn't fucking fair!

Before he knew it Otis was throwing things, he was thrashing stuff all over his room. He felt this red hot anger take over his being, he was so angry.

He felt a strong surge of adrenaline course through his body. He stormed over to his desk, stumbling in his drunken rage. He grabbed the first thing he seen, which happened to be a vase, as snatched it off the desk and threw it at the wall using all his might. It made a loud clashing noise as it shattered into many pieces.

He wanted his family back! He wanted to feel loved, he wanted to look at the world and see a beautiful place with so much to learn and see, he wanted to feel happiness as he want to sleep inside of anger and sadness.

He took the chair that was sitting at the desk as well and kicked it, knocking it over with a bang. He swept everything else that was sitting atop the desk with a big shove, making it all hit the floor.

He wanted to have freedom, he wanted to love people without the constant fear of losing them, he wanted the joy of of being loved.

Otis looked around, the next thing he spotted was he's bookshelf. He stomped over to it, grabbing everything off of it and throwing it everywhere with intense rage. One of the books flung over to his window, breaking a piece off his blinds.

He wanted to be exited for tomorrow instead of dreading waking up, he wanted to go to sleep and not pray to not wake up, he didn't want to cry himself to sleep anymore.

Otis felt himself yelling as he yanked his bedding off his bed, quickly kicking over his fan that stood next to it.

Why did the world become so merciless, so angry, and bitter. So cruel and heartless. So mean and unrelenting.

The world fucking hated him, loathed him. The world wanted to see him suffer, watch him cry. Tear him down until he was left just a shell of his former self. An empty husk of walking around.

"This isn't fair!" He wailed

He wanted to be fucking happy!

How could they leave him like this?

He was left with tears streaking down his face, he felt so defeated. He wanted nothing more than a hug from his mom, he needed comfort so badly. He felt so alone and scared.

He felt empty and worthless, he felt weak and helpless. He couldn't understand what was going on. Otis's breathing quickly picked up, he was gasping for air, he couldn't get a breath into his lungs. He started to feel faint.

He was so full of regret and guilt for not savoring the precious moments. The same moments that have clouded he's memory since the death of his family and the death of his happiness. He wished he'd hugged them tighter, told them he loved them.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Was this really it? Are they truly gone?

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't fucking breathe.

Is he really never going to see them again?

Otis collapsed next to his bed. He couldn't see straight, the world was spinning. Why was the world spinning? What is going on?

Darkness started to cloud his vision, he felt his consciousness slowly slipping his heartbeat fast and in one final gasp of desperation, his mind stoped.
—————
10105 words