SOMETHING (en) √

Twelve

Their ears are ringing from the bombs. It took them some time to regain their hearing back.

“That’s hurt,” Bella said.

“Maya,” Nowa said.

“Allan, I’m- I’m so sorry! I tried my best to help her but that thing came out of nowhere!”, Mike said.

Bam!

It’s so quick of him to punch Mike right on his left cheek, causing him to fall back.

“Allan, are you crazy?!”, Daniel stops him, pushing him away.

“That’s not his fault to begin with!”, Amber is also mad.

Mike just held onto his cheeks. His mouth is also bleeding. Mike really feels bad about it, and that’s why he apologizes. It’s not his fault but he feels really bad. Bella steps closer to Mike, helping him to clean the blood.

“Chill out, can you!? Do you think Mike wants this to happen?! Do you think we want this to happen?! He tried to help her, don’t you know it?!”, Daniel said.

Allan just stays silent, clenching his jaws. He knows no one wants this to happen. Moreover, after being together more than anyone else. But, it just pissed him off. He's sad, angry, and frustrated. It makes him want to punch someone in the face. He feels useless. A failure. He’s as good as dead. He should just kill himself every chance he gets and ignore her for as long as he can. Ignoring her and his feelings. 

“I should just die while I can,” he said.

“Punishing yourself will never bring a good thing,” Daniel replied.

“What’s good about my life after all?”

Daniel knows something about him since he told him the story about him and Maya. He knows that Allan is not that strong. And Maya is all he has to make him strong enough to face life. But Daniel didn’t know what else to say. He’s not good at this.

“Daniel, she’s dead! I don’t have any more reason to stay alive. She’s the only reason for me to hold on. Because I want to see her every day. But now she’s gone. Not even her body can be seen now as the bomb exploded! I’m not saying that I regret throwing the bombs cause at least that shit died. But, she’s not here! Can you hear me!”, Allan gripped Daniel’s collars.

His eyes are red. He’s holding on to his tears.

“I lost her, Daniel. I lost her. My life. I lost her. I fail to protect her. I should not be away from her. I should not help anyone else but her!”

“So you regret helping me?”, Nowa interrupted them.

“Nono, not now,” Daniel stopped her.

Amber rubbed Nowa’s shoulder, calming her down. Luckily, Nowa is tired so she didn’t think about it that much.

“Allan, I know. You lost her. We lost her. My condolences. But, did you think she’ll be okay with you dying? She tried her best to keep you alive, Allan. And you just want her effort to go to waste? As simple as that?”

Allan is silent again. He doesn't know how to keep on moving forward without her by his side.

“Every day, when I get back from work, she’s there. Every time I want to have my dinner, she’s there. Every time I feel down, she’s there. Even when I just sit, she’s there. When I don’t feel like having my life, again, she’s there. She was never not there. She never slipped away from my mind. And what am I supposed to do now? She’s not there. It’s not the same!”

Daniel also feels the pain. Of course, it won’t be the same again. Not after the two of them always stick around together.

“She said she wanted to tell me something after we got here. Maybe on one of those beautiful nights that we will be having here. Maybe whatever she tries to say to me, is the same thing I would like to say to her. I know she has been waiting for that moment. But I- I’m also a coward, Daniel. I can’t bring myself to say it to her. I’m afraid that I will disappoint her if I fail to be her good partner. After all, I’m a broken soul.”