Stop looking at me

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POV Roseanne Park

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POV Roseanne Park

Text message: My persona 💖

"What happened to I'm not going to look her in the face again?"

I responded to Jisoo saying that I needed to clarify things with Lisa, even though she told me that she never wanted to look me in the face again, I needed certainty, I didn't want to have any kind of hope anymore and whether or not that atmosphere between us hindered my entire musical development. even if I tried to focus 100% on my learning.

It was impossible, impossible to look at that woman with all her "my boss" pose and not remember her completely dominating me in bed.

I tried to push away that kind of thought before getting into the taxi, ordered by Lisa, yes, she had left me a message through Myia saying that she would leave transport to take me to her house.

Which led me to think that that conversation was already being too intimidating, even before I arrived. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know how she would be dressed or how she would receive me, I didn't know anything, which made me a thousand times more nervous.

I had dressed in ordinary clothes, well not so ordinary, I didn't dress as casually as I used to because now I had a certain number of very good clothes.

I thought about how much my life had changed so far, and for the better, Lisa did all of this and I knew that I would be eternally grateful to her for everything she did to me and for me. Even if this conversation was a goodbye I would tell her how grateful I was I began to realize that my feelings for Lisa were completely messed up, I might be able to sleep with her one day and hate her the next I couldn't decide which was the bigger.

After a few minutes we arrived at her house and I could recognize the entrance perfectly, the first and last time I went to her house before my video with Dong-hae was leaked I remembered every detail of that day, Lisa pulling me into her bathroom and kissing me saying that everything would be fine and convincing me to stay, when the driver left me there I wanted to turn around and give up on everything again, run to Australia, go into my old room and just sleep, I was scared of what she would do to me. I would say there I knew I would get hurt anyway.

I was startled when I heard the main door open, I turned to face it, waiting a few seconds until Lisa appeared on the other side of it.

She was wearing a black Celine sweatshirt set, her hair was partially loose, leaving her face exposed, looking beautiful as always.

- Goodnight. - she said, breaking the silence.

- Goodnight. - I said, still standing between her and the door.

— You better go in, we don't want photos of us in the newspapers tomorrow, do we? - she said with good humor, I nodded and walked in the front door after Lisa closed it.

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