Not so Lucky

Chapter Seventeen: Apologies

You can do this Luck.
The two weeks of holiday were coming to an end. We were about to leave but I had one thing to do before that.
I sucked up my pride and gently knocked on the door.
A faint come in was heard and I stepped inside, closing the door behind me.
Sara was sitting on her bed cross legged jotting something down on a page.
She looks up from her pages and her smile falters the slightest bit.
"Did you need anything?" She asks, her eyes concentrating back on the book. She spoke with a light voice but I can see in the rigid posture that she doesn't want me here.
"I know your angry with me but please hear me out."
Sara doesn't look up from her lap but she doesn't diss me either so I continue.
"I'm sorry for a lot of things actually."
The pen in her hand stopped moving so I took it that she was listening to me.
"What Faell did was unacceptable and I'm sorry for that. Also, there's something you should know." I drew in a painful breath. "It wasn't me who kissed Kyle—"
"But he likes you doesn't he." Sara says softly. There's no threat in her voice, she sounds sad. "I have the tendency to be clingy and unfortunately I'm a little dense so it makes sense."
"What makes sense?"
"That he likes you. Your pretty, your so smart and nonchalant. Your just so cool." She releases a loud sigh.
"If you think I'm pretty I'm fairly sure you didn't see how I was back in middle school. I'm not smart I just read a lot because, my interactions with normal human beings is limited. I'm nonchalant because I don't care and it's really sad and cold-hearted sometimes I wish I could care more but it's really draining so I just don't. And all that sums the fact that I'm not cool." I say firmly.
Sara laughs, she wipes at something on her cheek and utters another breathy laugh. 
"Sara I think your cool. Your pretty, much prettier than I, and smart and you care which is why Kyle deserves you more than me. He deserves someone that reciprocates his feelings."
"And being clingy isn't bad, Sara. Some people wish they had that."
Sara rises from the bed and wraps her arms around me. "I think I needed that." She says.
I hug her back and smile.
Thank God that went well.
"FYI, your hair's amazing." I pull back and arch a brow. "Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm all out of responses." I sigh.
Sara chuckles. "I won't drain you, don't worry. But if you had a few gummy bears on you I'll love that response."
I grin, digging into my pocket and finding a small packet of them.
"A goodbye gift." I smile handing it to her.
"A goodbye gift it is," Sara says.
I step back and grab the doorknob. "We'll come back soon." I say. "I promise."
"I'll be waiting," she says and I feel a weight lift off my shoulders when I hear how happy she sounds.
***
"Did you finish what you needed to do?" Faell asks once we're in the car.
I nod strapping in my seatbelt. He rests his hand in my leg and strokes my knee and I lean into his side and feel myself closing my eyes.
We all made it home and I couldn't be more happy to step foot into my apartment again.
School started soon after and it was back to studying, gossip, tests and stress.
Faell said he found a new job in a small cafeteria and I felt happy that he was able to do something instead of sitting on the couch for the whole day.
I was exiting the library one day when someone blocked my path. I looked up to see who it was and I instantly regretted that decision.
"What do you want, Kyle?" I said in a tired tone. 
He stepped back giving me space and scratched the back of his neck. A curtesy I was not accustomed to with him.
"Can we have a talk?" He asked nervously, his eyes trained on the floor.
"About what?"
It's been so long I think I subconsciously forgave him. So me and him having another convo never came to mind.
His face wasn't as flawless as before with the slight nose dilemma but other than that he was still the same.
He folded his arms on the railing and sighed heavily. It was cold so his breath made some faint smoke appear and then disappear.
I rubbed my forearms as the breeze tossed my hair; waiting for him to say what he needed to say.
Kyle gazes at the sky and looks more at peace than before, like the tension that's been wearing him down finally dissipated.
"My little sister was in an accident." He finally says.
I blink a few times gathering my brain cells from the shock.
"W-what?" I stutter quietly.
"It's been tough, she's four years younger than I am and ever since middle school she's been addicted to self harm."
I cover my mouth and gasp, remembering that nights conversation.
It's been tough.
My voice gets clogged up in my throat preventing me from speaking. But Kyle's not done just yet.
"This whole time I've been trying to understand why she would do these vicious things to herself. To her own body. I've constantly been in and out of hospital with Tulip. It was only me and her for as long as I can remember. Our parents neglected us and our only support we had were from our late grandparents, but they died years ago."
He blinks a few times and inhales a deep breath before he continues. "I came home one day, I smelt smoke, my mind instantly went to Tulip. I rushed to the kitchen where she...she...she was burning her hands on the stove." He runs a frustrated hand across his face.
"I'll never forget her face. She was emotionless, her face was practically blank as she was roasting her hands." He breaths out heavily.
"I rushed her to the hospital and they said it was severe burns and that she would be unable to use her hands for a while. I never yelled at Tulip before but that day I couldn't...I snapped. She started crying and I apologised profusely but she didn't stop, she cried and cried and cried until there were no tears left in her eyes."
"I realised that she wasn't necessarily crying because I had screamed at her, it was a trigger maybe, but she was crying for the reasons that caused her to fall into self harm."
Kyle drops his head on his crossed arms and keeps speaking, his voice was growing more and more dejected.
"Tulip said that she's been bullied for being dumped by her parents. I...I don't understand." Kyle says, his voice cracking with emotion. "I never felt so lost in my life."
"How can a big brother neglect such an important person. I feel hopeless that I was unable to protect my little sister. I...I'm her only family and I couldn't fulfil that one role I had. I feel so utterly disappointed in myself. I'm a despicable excuse for a brother." He paused for a moment probably gathering some strength.
I planted a hand on his shoulder, my vocals finally able to work. "Don't be hard on yourself, Kyle. It's not your fault."
"But it is Lucky, I'm her older brother and it's an older brother's priority to protect his little sister but I'm a total failure."
I sighed, "Kyle, your sister kept that from you so you had no idea what she was going through." I reason with him.
"I moved her to another school, changed her contacts and paid closer attention to her. She looks happier now and I feel better."
"That's great," I say looking out at the dull grey sky. "That's great."
He faces me then with a troubled look in his eyes. "I-I...don't really know why I said all that." He says bashfully.
I laugh waving a dismissive hand. "It's alright, I'm glad things are going well."
"Yeah, well...I wanted to apologise for being all clingy and for my obsessive behaviour." He faces the sky again his face twisting into something of pain. "I've been thinking a lot lately, about a lot of things and also why I was  so intrigued by you."
"I can't say that I was in love I think it was more like you were an escape from reality. I put you on a pedestal, but in the back of my mind I knew for a fact that you didn't like me back. Still, I tried and tried and tried but failed in the end."
He blows out a long breath and faces me full on. "I'm sorry for my actions and for pressuring you. I'm leaving for London for college so I won't be seeing you in a while. A long while I think."
I face him as well and he smiles.
"I found someone that I think I like," he says softly. I nod, proud of him.
"This is the last time we'll get to see each other. So...I think this is a goodbye."
He steps back and subtly nods. "Goodbye Lucky." Kyle turns and makes his way towards the stairs.
"Goodbye Kyle."
***
It hasn't been this cold in like forever, I'm glad I brought my furry coat and earmuffs.
I found someone that I think I like.
I freeze.
Could it be Sara?
I immediately clasp my hands together and look up at the sky. Closing my eyes in spiritual concentration.
God if your really there and your watching me please, this is the first time I'm praying but it isn't for me, it's for a friend.
A small smile touches my lips.
Please make it be Sara.
Suddenly something small and cold lands on my nose. I snap my eyes open and find a snowflake on the tip of my nose.
"It's snowing."
***