When I'm done crying into Sunny's arms, I lift my head up from his chest to look in his eyes, which are dark and black and sad, but happy to be looking into my eyes.
"Do you feel any better?" He asks.
I shrug, wiping my red and wet eyes.
"You probably hate me." I say, still feeling bitter.
He tilts his head at me slightly, and asks, his voice full of confusion. "Why would I hate you?"
"Because I kissed someone. Who wasn't you."
"But you didn't." He tells me.
"Stop being in fucking... denial! We get it, you have one coping mechanism, and that's to pretend that all the bad things that happened aren't real, but they are, so wake up and open your eyes to them like the rest of us." My voice raises as I keep talking.
"Basil." He says, and puts one of his cold hands on my shoulder, and the other on my cheek. "You didn't really kiss her. You didn't want to kiss her, she broke a boundary... that's like... a crime of some sort, I think. She... she's an asshole. And you know that, logically, you know she's an asshole, and that she kissed you, and you know fully that you didn't want to be kissed, but for some reason, those things won't line up in your brain and you're left with thinking you're a terrible person because you got... you got fucking violated, and you think you're the bad person. You retaliated in a way that certainly didn't give you any points to being a good person, but that's not what we're talking about right now. Right now, we're talking about the fact she kissed you, and you didn't want that, and you still think it's your fault, when it's so clearly not."
"But she still kissed me." I say plainly.
"Sorry to break it to you, but everyone has free will, and they can, and will, do whatever the fuck they want, even if it's bad. Aubrey wanted to kiss you, so you did. You had no part in that. Listen, I know I may not be able to convince you that you did nothing wrong, but... I think even if you did do something wrong, I'd forgive you. My love would continue, though I would be slightly heartbroken. So... just remember, I love you. A lot. No matter what."
"That... that makes sense. That's easier to make sense of. Because I think I'd love you no matter what." I smile at him, a fuzzy feeling inside my stomach.
He gives me a cute laugh, and jokes, "Even if I like... murdered someone?"
I stare him dead in the eyes, and he looks back it me, eyes equally dim.
"Yes. If. If you murdered someone. And we both know you didn't. Something, remember. Something killed her... it killed a part of you that day, oh God, her death, she died, and in turn, a small part of you did too. But it's okay. Sunny, I'm here for you, I promise. I always have been here for you."
"I know. You broke into my house."
"It was necessary." I tell him.
He laughs a bit. "Yeah, it kind of was. I think maybe, maybe if you wouldn't have saved me, I would have rotted to death in that bed."
"Without getting to say goodbye to me." I say softly.
"Yeah. But I got to say goodbye to you."
"It's not goodbye, Sunny, because we're going to keep on living, and for a lot longer than you think, for a lot longer than you realize. Everything is going to turn out okay. I promise. And I'd like to think you know me well enough to know that I don't break my promises." I tell him.
"I know you don't break your promises. But honestly, how do you have so much faith that everything will turn out okay? Because in all honestly, it likely won't turn out okay, and you have to come to that realization."
"Because it has to. It has to turn out okay. It's going to turn out okay because it simply has to." My voice sounds pleading, I know, but I'm being truthful. The only reason it will turn out okay is because it has to. Because the alternative is infinitely worse.
"We were apart for four years. That was hardly okay."
"Yes, but look at us now. Together. Okay. In love. Despite it all. We love each other, and we're okay. Because we have to be."
"That..." He pauses mid sentence to give me a soft kiss, and my face momentarily flushes red, until I am reminded of something.
"So you're really not mad at me?" I ask.
"I think... I think you were a petty bitch to her and he life is gonna be hell from now on and it's your fault. But in all honesty, I'm not really mad, and not really disappointed. Just... I just hope she doesn't hate me." He reasons.
"She's homophobic. Of course she's going to hate you."
"She's also a lesbian. And she's gonna get bullied, just the same way you are getting bullied. So maybe she'll understand the pain. Maybe even if she hates you, she won't hate me. Actually... scratch that. i think if someone hated you, they'd hate me by proxy because of how close we are. And if they still don't hate me, they should, because I love you. So like... I don't know. What I'm saying, is that if Aubrey is an asshole to you, and you haven't forgiven her, even if she offered me a million dollars, I still wouldn't like her. I wouldn't be her friend."
"That's oddly sweet."
"I'm glad you think so... Basil, I don't know how to express it any better, but I love you so much. So much. More than anything else." He tells me.
"I know. And I love you too. So much. More than anything else." I tell him right back.
"I'm so glad I have you."
I'm glad I have him too.
(986 words)
