"It'd be nice for you to sleep over at my house sometime. Like we used to." Sunny says after several minutes of comfortable silence.
"Maybe this weekend. I have school, remember?" I say.
He dramatically sighs. "You know, being a hikikomori isn't the best thing ever, but at least I don't have school."
"Yeah, but like... you're gonna be... holy shit, five years behind. You're gonna be 17 in 7th grade." I realize.
He shrugs. "I'll go to a special school for adults that didn't go to school or something. Don't worry about me Basil. You know I've got it all covered."
I pause for a second before talking. "You know what? You're right. We can do anything, as long as we do it together."
"We can." He confirms, and it feels like a promise, because it is a promise. A promise he seals with a kiss.
I kiss him back, and wrap my arms around him, pulling us close together, our faces right up against each other, our noses still touching even as we pull our lips apart. I can feel my face becoming red, and I know there is a light in my eyes that only comes out when he is close to me like this.
"How do you do this?" I ask him.
"Do what?" He asks back, tilting his head at me slightly, like a confused dog.
I smile and laugh. "Make me so happy. How you make me flustered and a blushing mess with no coherent thoughts. How you make me actually glad to be alive."
"I like that I make you glad to be alive."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because I'm glad you're alive."
"Oh." I say, taking in a breath of air that could be considered a gasp, but it's not a gasp, the breath is too gentle and soft. After all we've been through, there's still a small part of me that is in awe that he likes me being alive, a small part of me that is in awe of him wanting me to be happy.
He loves me.
He loves me and when he says things like, "Because I'm glad you're alive", my stomach feels a bit warmer and my heart starts to beat a bit faster and my cheeks start to get a bit pinker and I smile at him, so he smiles back, and oh god how beautiful his smile is, and then my stomach starts feeling even warmer, as if that were even possible, and the cycle repeats over again.
We've been sitting here, just looking at each other, for what seems like a long time, but really isn't. Two minutes at the very max has gone by, but that's two minutes too many, so I kiss him in a way that makes him laugh, and his laugh is adorably sweet, so I cannot help but laugh along with him. I kiss him again, pressing my body on his, and he falls against the bed, and there we are, peacefully lying side by side on his bed, the two of us red face and kissing, laughing, smiles painted on our faces, happy.
Like I said, he makes me glad to be alive. That's something really only he can do. Because he is the sun in my world, the light at the end of my tunnel, my favorite thing to look at, my favorite thing to hear, my favorite thing to touch. He is my reason to keep going and the reason I kept going for so long. He is either a gift sent down from the heavens from God, or a temptation straight out of hell from the devil, but regardless, I have and will accept him into my life with open arms because there is nothing better than him. His kisses are my favorite candy and his voice is my favorite type of music. He is perfect, and he is mine.
"You look a bit lost in thought. Anything particular you're thinking about?" Sunny asks me, noticing my eyes are staring off somewhere he can't see more than normal.
I blink a couple of times before starting to answer the question. "Oh, well, I was just thinking about... you. How much I love you. How you are my favorite everything. How you make me glad to be alive and how you like me being alive. How absolutely fucking perfect you are."
He smiles at me, which is expected. After all, it's quite reasonable to smile after being called perfect. I know I would smile if Sunny called me perfect. But he never has, and never will, because I am most certainly not perfect. I am not perfect, not even close, but he is, he is perfect.
"I'm not perfect." He denies, as his smile drops.
"But..." My voice softens, trying to be gentle with my love, "But you are. You are perfect."
"Why?" He asks.
A wonderful question.
I take a deep breath, preparing for a lengthy monologue. "You're perfect because you've never done anything wrong. You have a kindness in your heart that others don't, like you have a kindness towards me. You don't hate me, you love me. You're gentle and caring and hold me when I cry. You aren't afraid of being cared for or being held or crying. You smile when I compliment you and you don't get mad easily, you don't get mad when others would be mad or when you should be mad and I really admire that because I over react to everything, so anything somebody does is really just a chance for me to be mad at them. You do your best to... just be a good person, Sunny. You try to be a good person, not for anything, not to be manipulative or to seem like a good person, you genuinely just gravitate towards what is right. You've never messed up once in your life."
"But I have." He says, plain and simple, a short counter against my long argument.
I am, admittedly, frustrated. Why should he get to disagree with me, when he is so obviously perfect?
"When? When have you ever done anything wrong?" I ask him.
Staring into my eyes with intense fear, he says quietly, his voice shaky and weak, almost pleading with me. "I know you know what I did."
(1038 words)
a/n- aaah :3
i love my gf
i might've mentioned having a bf earlier, it's the same person, she turned out to be trans :3
anyway her name is andrew she's very cute, ya'll should just say you agree she's cute so i can show her and make her smile <3
