Once again, repeating the same old stupid cycle, I find, at the grave yard, is Aubrey. She looks like she's been expecting me. Like she's been waiting for me. In fact, she probably has been waiting for me. What hell does she want to subject me to this time?
"Look who it is, it's our favorite little grave digger, back to the scene of the crime." Aubrey says, her voice in a joking tone.
I'm confused.
I'm not a grave digger?
What is she talking about.
"Oh, hello Aubrey. Are you planning to torment me even on my break from school?" I ask, fed up with her shit.
"Are you planning to try to dig up Mari again?" She asks, matching my frustrated tone.
I just stare at her.
She sighs. "Seriously, what the fuck were you doing last night?"
I look to the ground.
She approaches me, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt, which causes me to drop the bucket of water and sponge I had for cleaning the grave. Her hand is tight around the fabric, and I feel like I'm choking as she's nearly picking me up. Her long pink hair is messy, and her eyeliner looks smudged, and her face is unbelievably close to mine, and for a second, I wonder if she's going to kiss me again. I'd deserve to be violated like that again, if she's right, and I tried to dig up Mari's grave last night.
"Tell me why, you little bitch. Just give me one fucking reason. That's all I want. A motive to the crime." She says, and I see, for a second, there are tears in her eyes, barely visible.
She looks absolutely insane, but hey, so am I.
My lip quivers, and for a second, I worry tears will spill over, but they don't. I don't cry, just look at her.
"Aubrey... what happened last night?" I ask.
She nearly drops the collar of my shirt, then grabs it tighter, and I feel like I'm suffocating. Good. I deserve to be suffocating, to be in pain, I deserve every bad thing that has ever happened to me. Her eyes are staring dead into mine, and she's got a fire in them, a lust for violence, that I understand, because my own eyes have had a lust for violence too many times before. Oh god, how I want her to take out that lust for violence on me.
I deserve it.
I deserve to suffer at the hands of anyone who wants to make me suffer. I deserve to suffer specifically at the hands of Aubrey, because of all that has happened between us. She could kill me and I'd thank her for it, because I was a petty bitch. She hurt me and I retaliated, so I wouldn't judge her if she fucking killed me, because after all, I deserve it.
"Why are you being so fucking disagreeable? Just, please, tell me what happened last night. Please, please." Her angry words turn into pleading, nearly sobs, as she lets me go, and tries her very hardest to not cry.
She doesn't want to cry in front of me.
Well, I don't want to cry in front of myself either, but sadly, I have a mirror in my room.
"Aubrey, seriously... I don't remember. I was completely asleep when I did whatever I did. I woke up, my hands covered in dirt, my fingertips stained with blood, no memory of anything that happened." I tell her.
She sighs, averting her eyes from me.
"Well, I was at the graveyard, at like..." She pauses for a second, and then continues, "I don't remember, but some time, early in the morning. I'd woken up, felt like something was wrong, like I should go to the graveyard. So I did. I didn't really question my feeling, I was too tired for that. And when I went to the grave yard, there you were, scratching at the dirt, trying to fucking... dig her up, with your bare hands. So I did what anyone else who had a shred of sanity left, a respect for their dead friend, and a will to fight. I stopped you."
And there, when she says it, I get flashes of what happened.
Her pinning me to the ground, her hands wrapped around my thin wrists, keeping me restrained. Her hair falling past her shoulders, onto me, as her face is overtop of me, our eyes locking. Her brown, contactless eyes. A worry in her face like I'd never seen before. The sheer anger in her that she channeled to easily overpower an insane, unconscious yet awake, me.
"Oh, shit, Aubrey, I am so, so, so sorry." I tell her, the words flying out of my mouth.
I feel sick.
What in God's name compelled me to do what I did?
I must be inherently flawed, in such an unfixable way, to do something like what I did. To try to dig up poor Mari.
"Basil... there's something wrong with you." She tells me.
I nod at her, and respond back, "I know."
I do know. I know I am fucked up beyond belief, past the point of return, and should honestly just kill myself, because of how much better the world would be if I was dead. No more would suffer from my hands, if simply, I did not exist. And it's all my fault, all this harm that I have caused, directly or indirectly.
I deserve to be dead.
So, by not killing myself, all that I am doing is causing more harm, by letting myself live.
"I know that I am fucked up... I know I'm terrible, I know that I'm a horrible person, that I deserve to to die, that people have only suffered because of me. I'm so, so, so fucking sorry. You can... I don't know, kill me if you want. Just end the suffering of others." I say, tears in my eyes.
The shadows just keep getting darker and darker, and I feel the arms of Something closing in on me.
(995 words)
a/n - suprise suprise, aubrey and basil meet at the grave yard again.
wow i've dated someone while having written... *checks notes* six episodes, thats a new high score, isnt it! (for this story at least)
you know the deal, you can add me on discord at verysadbug and you can donate to me on cashapp at AsherTheProblem
