Don't blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right
『the darkling x femaleoc』
pre-shadow&bone
extended summary inside
cover by @-judeduarte
It broke her heart to see Alina like this. It seemed like hope had faded away as the fresh antlers were engraved in her skin. Her face was twisted in pain and anger, but worst of them all – betrayal.
"I know you don't want to see me," Genya knew that Alina was angry with her. She was angry that she chose the Darkling's side. But all she wanted was to survive. After what has happened. The red-haired Tailor pushed her hand inside of her kefta and pulled a little notebook, handing it to Alina.
Taking a step closer, she hurriedly explained: "I know you don't trust me anymore but in here... It is the story of my sister. Of the only person that the Darkling ever loved. Of the reason why he went even madder than people know. No one dares to talk about her," she whispered. "No one. I'm offering you a way out. This—" she pointed at the leather of the notebook, "—is his weak spot. Use it to your advantage. Make him hurt."
Alina didn't comprehend what was going on, but after these words, Genya vanished from her vision as soon as possible, leaving her with the notebook. Not having much to do anyway, or not having the possibility to leave, she opened the notebook, meeting the neat writing of what it seemed to be Genya's.
Alina read the whole story with hunger in her soul. She could not believe that the Darkling was capable of love. He always seemed so stern, demanding, better than anyone else. She knew that he showed his kindness to her just because she was a Sun Summoner. But she never was an equal in his eyes. Just an asset. And the antlers proved everything.
And so she turned to the few last pages, which had the ending of the tale.
I heard once Baghra say that Liya was our Spaseniye. And I wholeheartedly believed her. I cannot even describe the way people reacted seeing their General laugh. No, not the way he smiled and had his way with the delegations, charming women, showing off his charming skills of keeping a conversation when needed. No, the way he laughed with my Liya.
The way he gently held her, his smile wide looking at her, at her flustered cheeks and shy smile. The way he moved his head closer to her, to hear only her in the middle of the swarming people. He looked at her as if she was the only one he saw in this room. As if she was the only one that he cared about.
At last, our salvation. How Saints have heard our prayers!
That night when she died, the Fold completely stretched out to cover any ways to get around it. It felt the pain of a Shadow Summoner. We all did. I couldn't hear his screams through my own wailing, I begged to see my sister just once again, but others didn't let me. They told me, it was best not to see her. They disgraced her body.
I remember the Darkling's wrath. The way the darkness surrounded us. His murderous stare. Many people died that evening, and only a few from the delegations got to get back to their countries. They lived because they promised with their lives not to tell anyone and to keep shut. They knew the Darkling would hunt them down. Others were already dead.
Losing family once was one kind of pain. But I lost Liya twice. Such innocence, such courage was wasted into thin air because of a mistake the Darkling had made. I will always blame him, and loathe him for taking my little sister away from me again.
I see her in the colour of my hair. I see her when I close my eyes. I see her walk with that calm expression of hers. I see our mother in her.
She was supposed to be our Salvation. But we didn't know that her death would bring our doom. ╰────────────────────────⋞╯
Alina blinked quickly, tears streaming down her cheeks. She has never heard about Liya as no one dared to speak about her. Everyone has a reason for the things they do and now she was sure of it. Now she understood why Genya sided with the Darkling, why she was so terrified of him.
Flipping the next page, she found a painting. It was simple, but it resembled Genya a lot, only her eyes were different and her face was a bit skinnier. On the bottom left the name of Liya was scribbled. She looked beautiful. And Alina had no idea that such a phenomenon as a blind Grisha ceased to exist. It wasn't possible in her world, yet, this notebook held the answers only a few knew.
Suddenly the entrance of the tent whooshed as the air got inside and she quickly raised from her seat, hiding the notebook behind her as she was looking at the Darkling. She couldn't believe that he was capable of smiling truthfully. That this man was capable of love.
His eyebrows furrowed, and he was looking at her suspiciously: "What are you holding?"
"Nothing," she quickly dismissed him, wiping her tears away, holding her stance.
"Give me that," he demanded.
Alina held her stance for a bit longer, straightening her back: "Who's Liya?"
Suddenly, something shifted in the air. Something flashed in his eyes for just a split moment. From just that, Alina understood that everything in that notebook was the truth. That there was a woman who was loved by him. That there was a woman who could've changed everything. That there was a woman and, if she was still alive, Alina wouldn't have been here.
Now, she looked at the man, who seemed as if he was holding a breath deep in his chest, trying to comprehend what he had just heard. There wasn't a moment where he didn't think of Liya. Even thinking about her sent a sharp pain through his chest – because of him, she died. And he was ready to burn the whole world to revenge her for his actions.
"Give it to me," he demanded, his voice stern, but more silent.
Alina hesitantly gave the notebook to him, her finger pushing the pages away to the place where there was the painting of Liya. Taking the book, the Darkling opened the pages and looked at the painting, his heart stopping for a second. There weren't any paintings of her after her death, not one. And yet, after these years, he finally saw her again.
Even in this simple painting, there was that emptiness in her eyes, but the stoic expression on her face. She was a fighter and she fought until the end. Even fighters need to be protected and he was supposed to be the one, but he failed. He failed like always. His hands started to gently shake and he closed the notebook, holding it firmly as it was about to disappear.
"If she would've been here, I'd tear down the Fold immediately," he admitted, his eyes cold. "I'd do anything to make this world just a little bit better, but..." He gently stroked the leather of the notebook. "She took that part away of me with her death. She showed me that there is no reason to make this world better. There will always be war. There will always be famine. There will always be a loss. Loss gets weakened over time. But her loss—my... Do not worry," he took a step closer, "my death will follow. I don't want the crown. I don't want to rule. I'll set this world on fire – it's my promise to her. With the fire, I'll come back to her."
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