WORK || TOM KAULITZ

39

Tom's pov

Rehab was actually going very good, for the first few months I couldn't have my phone but now that I see things from a different view I can finally have it back. At least that's what my therapist thinks.
I have to say it all makes sence, I started with drugs because of the pressure on me from the outside world when we first started to get some attention. I felt like I needed to be perfect, like people couldn't see me fail, which led to this. I hate myself for it the most.

"Tom your problem is that you can't deal with your emotions right"

"Drugs and other substances solved it for you"

"But only temporarily"
I hear a woman's voice talk to me.

"So?" I ask. But I feel like my mouth is talking and I'm not even there.

"So now whenever you feel something"
"Love for example" she says and I fly back to reality. "You don't know how to deal with them" "and you seek drugs" she says.

"Not true" I say. She arches an eyebrow at me. "I didn't do drugs" "I was clean when we met" I say. "I got back to them way later" I add.
She sighs. "Alcohol Tom" she says.
"Did you not drink?" She asks.
"I did" I say. "For fun?" She asks. "Or because of her?" She asks.

"It was not BECAUSE of her" I say. "But it wasn't for fun either?" She says questioning. "No" I say.

I have mixed feelings about this doctor. It feels to me like she blames my poor decision making on Ela. And even though she was the reason it was not her fault. She didn't even know.

"Look fight it all you want it's all true and you know it" She says. "No" "She didn't even know" "it's was not her fault" I say. That might have come out more aggressively than I meant it to be.
"Tom I wasn't blaming her" "I'm saying it's because you can't deal with your feelings" she says. "Oh" "sorry" I say.

I see her writing into that notepad of hers. Probably another "patient is overly aggressive when it comes to his ex partner" She thinks im obsessed with her and can't move on and that's why fell into drugs. I roll my eyes.

Oh and by the way she is the reason why I couldn't have my phone for six months.
According to "doctor know it all" I shouldn't read articles about myself and it might trigger something. And so I couldn't call her. But it's not like she would even answer.

Well it maybe wouldn't be six months, if I didn't fight her so much. Anyway.

After this amazing session with my favourite doctor, I go straight to my room.

I lay on my bed and get my phone.

Ela

How are you ?

              Please Ela at least read it.

Ela's pov

I finally got home jump straight into my bed. And I see my phone on my nightstand. Of course.

I open it just to see another seven thousand missed calls and messages from Bill. Not a single one from Tom. He send me letters instead of messages.

I knew this wasn't fair to Bill and I wanted to text him and I wanted to call him. I missed him so fucking much. But I was still mad at him for taking Tom's side.