However it goes, it ends in pain.

Chapter 10

The next couple of days are a haze, my memory is worse, I sleep more than half the day, and so many people come to see me; the flowers are beginning to annoy me. I haven't seen Ali in four days, and Usman either, that it pisses me off.

What if I was dead?

I haven't seen Amira long enough to ask about him, I keep falling asleep, the sleep hits me like waves, hard and unwavering. But today I am determined to find out why Usman hasn't come to see me yet, someone must have told him.

I fall asleep at half ten after taking some medications, the surgery has been done, I am being kept under observation for two days and I should be discharged today. When I wake up again, it's about 12pm, my mom is staring at me, she looks tired.

'Mummy'

I feel so tired. My body aches, my limbs are limp, and bone weighs me down.

'Amra' she breathes.

I panic. 'What is it Mummy?' I ask her, as I try to sit up hurriedly.

She bursts into tears. My dad enters the room and takes her out.

What the hell is going. I want to follow my parents out of the ward, but I can't. I am so tired. So, so tired. My eyes fall shut and so does my brain.

***

When I wake up again, there's a nurse on her way into the ward, my mother is asleep on the prayer rug, and my dad is in the chair reading.

'Daddy?' I look at him, eyes pleading for him to explain to me what's going on. I feel like a child again, at the mercy of my parents, seeking their comfort and warmth. Only this time I'm so used to independence, it feels unnatural.

The nurse is changing out my drip. I don't understand why I need the bag.

'How was the surgery?' I ask the nurse.

She looks between me and my father, and leaves the room as though to give us privacy.

'Did it go wrong?' I ask.

'We're transferring you. Today. The surgery had complications, we might be suing the hospital, it should've been very easy, and you should've been able to go home yesterday, but we noticed your excess sleeping, and bloody liquid coming out from your nose and ears. I got a second opinion, they said that the doctors did something wrong, you'll have to be opened up again.'

My father holds my hand. We're rarely sentimental, the pair of us. 'I swear to you Am, you will be fine. I will get you the best treatment.'

I nod, tears in my eyes. I am crying out of fear, and joy. My father is scarce with his love, it feels like a great accomplishment when you're shown it, and even though I am in a vulnerable state, it still makes me insanely happy that he shows this much care, I hold on to it so tight, because I know it'll keep me going in my time in the hospital.

I also know things are worse than my father is making it out to be. He's trying to be kind. But I am not stupid. I saw my mother swollen face, and teary eyes.

He leaves the room a little bit later, probably to arrange my transfer.

My mother sleeps for a very long time, in which time I find my handbag and phone placed beside the trolly my mother with Amira's help assembled.

I notice that the flowers in the room have drastically reduced, my parents have probably limited visitors, seeing as I am not recovered.

I plug in my phone and make my way to make to the bathroom to pee, and make wudu. Everything is hard to do. And I hate it so much.