However it goes, it ends in pain.

Chapter 4

You guys should go and check out  book, she's the reason I remembered to update today. Been so busy!

I love sad books. Heart wrenching ones where everyone is almost always in tears. Books that can lead me to tears because I find it extremely hard to cry. So, I spend my last week off watching as many sad movies as I can and crying.

It's hard. Because on the one hand, Amira and I aren't talking. And on the other hand, Usman's alone time has extended to a week. I feel so angry at the world.

Why couldn't I just have something good. To imagine that after years of pining after Ahmad, after finally being able to move on from him, the next man I'd love would dispense me.

Even in friendship, Usman was not this distant.

The second movie I watched today is rolling its credits and I am about to put on a third when the maid knocks on my door.

'Shigo!' come in.

She walks into the room, a slight bend- a show of respect. 'Sannu Anti.' Her arm extends as I notice a brown envolpe in it. 'Wai in ce miki an kawo wa Alhaji' A parcel for my father.

'Okay toh.' I reply accepting the envelope from her hands, then placing it in a drawer.

For the slightest second, I thought it may have been something from Amira or Usman. Most likely Usman, Amira is as stubborn as they come.

I haven't spoken to Habeel either. Losing the two of them for the week put me in a spiral of destructive pattern.

Detach.

Depress.

The only people I've spoken to are my parents- who are on a wedding trip, the substitute teacher in my class, and the maids in the house.

I am also on my period which means, when I say I have been in bed around the clock, I mean around the clock.

I keep wanting to send him a text. Keep itching to call him. But he wants space. Is it too much space? I'd ask Amira if we were talking. When is he going to call me? Should I call? Would that be bothering him? How's his mom? What the hell would make a father hit his son? Is Jamal okay? Is Uman okay? How are they dealing with it?

I should call.

What type of girlfriend am i?

To be fair, I called him twice and he didn't pick up. No message explaining the lack of phone call return.

I call.

The flip in my chest, if anything is proof that I really really like Usman.

*Ringing*

I throw my phone of the duvet and groan into my pillow.

When I feel overwhelmed, the only thing I want to do is go an a reckless drive. But since I broke my fucking leg. I can't.

I pass out with pain lodged in my throat instead of escaping through my eyes.

-

I wake up to my phone ringing. To my surprise I've only been asleep half an hour. The sleep felt really long.

I dig between the rumpled sheets and heavy pillows, and three pillows on the floor later I finally find it.

Usman.

I pick up and stay silent.

'Hi.'

'Hey'

'Are you free for a drive?'