Realm of the Rogues

Chapter XLI

I lose count of the days I spend in the darkness of this lonesome cell. I hear nothing, I see nothing, and slowly I start to feel nothing as well. Without any light, I don't know when the days turn into nights, or when the seconds turn into hours turn into days turn into weeks. Have I been here for several months or only a week? Somehow I feel like both possibilities are equally likely. If I am only fed once a day, it has certainly been months in here. But maybe I'm actually fed thrice or even five times a day, and then it would only have been a week or two. I feel like I'm in limbo - not quite alive, not quite dead. Why aren't I dead? Isn't that what they wanted? To kill me?

I lie against the rounded wall. The cell is completely round, the wall only broken up by the feel of the door. It's made like this to make you lose your sense of location as well. What is this half-existence I find myself in? Somehow I feel like I understand the workings of the universe better each day, but also like I'm losing my mind more and more every second.

For the first many days - or maybe only hours? - I fought. I screamed. I scratched at the wall, at the door, at my throat. Whenever food was delivered through a small slit in the door, I would fight. I would scream, I would try to claw my way through the hole. But when nothing happened, I lost hope.

I feel dirty and hungry. I know a plate of food is by the door, but I can't find the strength to feed myself. I've tried to tallymark, but where can I do it in this padded room? And what would I tallymark? Maybe the amount of times I've been fed. Or maybe the amount of times I've slept. Or the amount of times I've wished they would just kill me.

I think I've started to hear voices. Yesterday - or was it just a second ago? - I swear I heard my mom call out to me. She has been doing this for days - or maybe just for a couple of minutes. I've also heard Louise laughing. I miss Louise. I wonder how she is and whether or not she has found her mate yet. Maybe she is already with pup. Will I ever get out of here and see her again? Do I want to see her again? What if she hates me, or maybe was executed after I left? 

I don't know anything anymore. I want to fight, I try to tell myself. But do I want to fight to get out, or fight against them keeping me alive? Do I want to fight or just die? It's all the same to me at this point. I roll over and reach out for the plate of food. I feel around and realize it's bread, and it's stale. I sigh, not wanting to eat it. I slide my hand to the right and grasp the cup that always accompanies the food. It's a very watery soup, and I force myself to down it all in one go.

"Athena," the voice whispers to me. I don't answer. 

"Athena, are you in there?" It's the voice of Dom. I never answer him. I don't want him here. He put me in this situation.

"Athena answer me please, I can't stay here for long." I sigh. I know he won't go away until I answer or fall asleep, and I can't sleep anymore. 

"Go away," I mumble, cracking my already cracked lips in doing so. I hear a sigh of relief coming from the other side of the door. I don't know if he really is real and really on the other side of the door, or I just imagine hearing his voice coming from there.

"I have a plan. You need to trust me, okay? Next time someone delivers your food, I am going to need you to scream." I scoff. That never works, I have tried.

"Normally only vampires who have lost their hearing are assigned to your cell, but because you never scream anymore, they have decided that vampires with hearing also will be guarding your cell. So you need to scream the next time you receive food. It will kill them, and then no one is going to guard your cell for several hours until the guards rotate. Then I can come and break you out, and we will have lots of time to escape before they know anything is amiss." I doubt I would be able to make this scenario up in my mind, so maybe Dom really is here? I can't help the anger rise in me along with the hope. I get up on my feet and stand in front of the door to the cell, bracing both of my hands on the padded wood.

"What are you doing here? And why would I trust you? You have nothing to gain from helping me," I hiss out, not sure how much he can hear through all this padding - if he actually is here, that is. I hear him tripping on the other side of the door.

"I'm so sorry, I have to go now, the guard is returning. Please just trust me, and I will explain everything after." With that, I know he is gone, and I am left with an empty feeling. But somewhere down in the abyss, I also feel a sense of hope and purpose. I have a plan now.

I decide to eat all of my food and push the plate over to the slit in the bottom of the door, forcing whoever delivers my food next to remove that plate first, before they push the other one in. This will give me just a second more to react and in turn scream.

I walk back and slide down the wall in a sitting position, so I have my face just in front of the door. Then I prepare myself to fight with every ounce of strength I have left.