CROSS MY SIN (forgive me please)

ch 2. Shadow of regret

SAHIL,

Two years ago

As I opened my eyes, waves of pain washed over my body, and my head throbbed relentlessly. Confusion clouded my senses as I found myself slumped in my car, stranded in the middle of the road. Glancing down at my disheveled appearance, I noticed my pants undone, several buttons on my shirt missing. How did I end up here? I racked my brain for answers, but my memories were shrouded in darkness.

All I could recall was the overwhelming rage I felt upon discovering my brother entangled with my girlfriend in his apartment. Fuelled by fury, I sought solace in the company of my best friend, Fourth, at a nearby club. He listened as I poured out my heart, urging me to let go of the pain. But as the drinks flowed and my inhibitions faded, a haze enveloped my mind, obscuring my recollection of events.

Returning home , I sought refuge in the shower, desperate to cleanse myself of the night's chaos. Stripping away my clothes, I discovered a horrifying sight—a smear of blood on my genitals. Panic seized me as I struggled to comprehend how it got there. As the water cascaded over me, I closed my eyes, hoping to escape the nightmare unfolding in my mind.

But in an instant, flashes of images assaulted my consciousness. I saw myself careening down the streets like a man possessed, pursuing a figure through the darkness. And then... horror washed over me as realization dawned, shattering the fragments of denial that had shielded me from the truth.

Nooooooooooo! What have I done?
I couldn't believe it was me who did that, what was I thinking, alcohol has never made go to that far, tears were dripping down my tears, I got out of the shower i went back to my room ,still trying to recall the full event,but most scenes appeared darker to me especially his face was very blurry in mind.

I wore my clothes and drove my car I went back, to the same place i woke up in the morning hoping I would find any trace of him but it was to no avail, I kept doing that for weeks but still I couldn't find him or remember his face,few people passed there but all seems unfamiliar.

Hence I decided to make a Life changing decision, that shocked everyone else who knew me

Present time

"Sahil, my best friend, and my parents were congratulating me for finishing my doctorate degree in Psychiatry," I exclaimed, basking in their warm wishes.

"Sahil," my mother called out to me, her tone tinged with curiosity, "I've been asking you this question for the last two years: why did you suddenly want to change your career from a pediatrician to a psychiatrist? Since you were young, you always dreamed of being a doctor for children. What prompted this sudden shift?"

"It's okay, Mom," I reassured her with a lie, "I just felt I would be able to help more people by becoming a psychiatrist."

As I uttered those words, the memory of that night gnawed at my soul, tormenting me relentlessly. Each day, I found myself consumed by regret, longing to turn back time and undo my actions. How could I have done something so unforgivable? The question haunted me ceaselessly.

My sole purpose in life now was to find him, to seek his forgiveness. For the past two years, I had wondered about his well-being, agonizing over the impact of my actions on his life.

Yes, I had harbored dreams of caring for children since childhood, but this mission transcended personal aspirations. I was driven by a fervent desire to aid those grappling with the trauma I had inflicted upon him. I hoped against hope that he was still alive, that I would have the chance to make amends. My pursuit of this career was fueled by the prospect of finding him.

Would he ever find it in his heart to forgive me? The question loomed ominously, shrouded in uncertainty.