CROSS MY SIN (forgive me please)

ch.4 it's keeps coming back

I was enjoying my lunch when my phone abruptly rang, breaking the tranquility of the moment. It was the nurse in charge. "Hey, Dr. Sahil, please help us. We have a situation in the psychiatric ward," Kim, the nurse, pleaded. "Kim, it's my break time," I reminded her, but her urgency was unavoidable. "I know, but there's a patient causing a ruckus, and we can't calm him down. We're hesitant to administer any medication. Can you call Dr. James?" I asked. He on his way but we think it will take long for him to arrive. She answered

I sighed, swiftly paying the bill and making my way to the psychiatric ward. Nurses were struggling to pacify the agitated patient, whose words were a jumble of incomprehensible ramblings.

In my brief time at the hospital, I had earned a reputation for calming patients without resorting to medication. Some called it magic; others attributed it to my appearance. But for me, it was about seeing beyond their surface, feeling their pain, and also feeling guilty for their suffering.

As I worked to soothe the distressed patient, Dr. James, my senior, arrived with an elderly woman . "Our miracle worker is already here," he praised, breaking the tension. We started to work on the patient together after we finished doctor James introduced the old woman to me as the boy's grandma. And suddenly I got a sudden urge to ask the woman questions i shouldn't ask, what happened to the boy? Why is he like this?

The old woman started to cry as she looked at me. "Doctor, my grandchild was a normal, intelligent, kind, and hardworking man," she began, her voice trembling with sorrow. "But a few months ago, he was drugged and raped by his own best friend. Since that day, he has never been the same. That monster ruined my grandchild's life. How can someone force love upon another? How can someone violate another's body without consent? It's an unforgivable act. Anyone who commits such a crime deserves to be punished."

Her words pierced me to the core, i felt a pang of guilt, my own past transgression weighing heavily upon me. I empathize with the grandmother's anguish, recognizing the devastation wrought by such a despicable act. Memories of my own wrongdoing haunted him, casting a shadow over the room as I grappled with the profound sense of remorse that engulfed him.so I excused myself and walked to my office as fast as my leg could carry me .

I knew it! you will be crying James my senior said to me. He was the only one who knew my secret.

One year ago doing my internship he saw me struggling a lot with rape patients, he came and asked and I couldn't lie to him because I really needed some one to help me,the burden was heavy. He understood me so well and he was there to help me in every step.

Stop doing that to yourself, you will never succeed if you keep tormenting yourself doctor James said to me. Didn't you hear what that woman said? , I shouted ,she said people like us don't deserve to live , I don't deserve to live I said my Voice was shaking.

Stop! Sahil , James shouted , how many time did I tell you that you should forgive yourself,how many times I told you it wasn't your fault, u were betrayed drugged and drunk anyone in that situation would possibly end up doing what you did or worse so please don't stress yourself, I think you should take the rest of that day off and go home okay doctor James said to me.

The following day dawned, weighed down by the exhaustion of a sleepless night spent grappling with my demons. A morning run seemed the perfect antidote, a chance to clear my mind and find some semblance of peace.

During my run, I encountered a man lost in thought, oblivious to the oncoming danger. Instinctively, I rushed to his aid, pulling him to safety just in time. Our eyes met in a prolonged moment of shared recognition, a fleeting connection that left an indelible imprint on my soul.

As he vanished from sight, I couldn't shake the feeling of familiarity, the inexplicable draw pulling me towards him.

Returning home, I sought refuge in the shower, thoughts consumed by the enigmatic stranger who had crossed my path. Despite my efforts to dismiss him from my mind, his presence lingered, a persistent reminder of the inexplicable bond we shared.