A Love Lost

Ana

 It was ten o'clock when we entered my living hell. Seeing my father was an unwelcome shock to my system. How could my mother, supposedly knowing what happened, allow that man and Charlotte to sleep here? Unless, she didn't know as much as she led on.

My father was always one to speak his mind. He believed that I was disloyal and disobedient. He believed it because, unlike my kiss-ass sister, I left. Charlotte was blind to the truth of my relationship with our father. She was jealous of the attention I received. It was nothing like what she believed it to be and she will never let me explain it to her. She loved being the center of attention. She loved being daddy's girl, but didn't know what it meant to be our father's girl. She would never know the feeling, or lack there of, after being a sexual pawn in his games to climb the corporate ladder. She would never know the desertion that came after every publication released photos of me, bruised and beaten on the runway. She would only know what she believed happened.

I began to pace around the room, waiting for a sign that Gabriel survived the verbal sparring, which I was almost certain was what they meant by talking, with my father.

After an hour of pacing, I crashed on the bed. My body was sleep-deprived, and the anxiety, stress, and overwhelming fear of seeing my sister and father again only aggravated the situation. Though I knew I needed sleep, I refused to close my eyes.

I heard a knock at the door. "Come in." My voice but a strained whisper.

As I heard the door open, I rolled on my side. To my unwelcome surprise, Gabriel wasn't alone. My father stood next to him. What did he want now? Hadn't he had enough fun torturing me? Obviously not, or else he wouldn't be standing in my room, next to my boyfriend. I looked from Gabriel to my father and back.

"I just came to say goodnight, baby." My father explained his presence with a soothing tone. Gabriel gave him a cold stare. It was piercing. Father seemed unaffected. "You and I will talk tomorrow."

"I have school tomorrow, then I am going to a friend's. So, not till this weekend." I needed at least twenty-four hours before I had a conversation with my father, alone.

"Then this weekend. You can show me around Marbella and we can have a meal and talk." He turned to shake Gabriel's hand. Gabriel waved him goodbye and my father left us.

The door wasn't even closed thirty seconds before Gabriel encircled me in his arms. His warm amber scent and the warmth which radiated from his body was all I needed to survive however long my father was going to be with us. as much as I wanted to be away from everything, I didn't want to leave the security I had in him, but it wasn't enough to keep the tears and memories at bay.

Sobs quaked through me, their violence causing me to seize and shake.

"Don't leave me! Please! I love you!" I cry.

Gabriel runs a soft, comforting hand repeatedly over my hair. He doesn't say word, he just lets me cry. In the eternity of silent sobs, we somehow made it to the bed. I expect him to give in to our horrible pattern of every time something bad happens, we have sex. He remained next to me. He'd laid me down before sitting on top of the covers. His tell-tale sign that we were NOT having sex.

Irritated, exhausted, and overwhelmed, I lashed out at him. "Goodnight."

I rolled over and shut off the light. I was SO done with today. I hated surprises. Mostly because they were usually never good. The circumstance with my father this evening was a perfect example.

My pointed tone and rough movements gave away every single indication. A large part of me hoped he would get the signal while the other part of me prayed to any god that he would just let me sleep.

I heard the sound of the light switch off and Gabi rustling the sheets. No goodnight hug or kiss or I love you. Not even a 'goodnight'. Instead of picking a midnight fight, I decided to just go to sleep.

That night, my dreams were anything but peaceful or even mild. They were violent.

I again dreamt I was back on the west coast with my father. Only this time, I dreamt I was alone.