Waiting for War

Kassie

My world is cold and bleak. I haven't heard anything from my mother other than how much of a failure I am. I've been avoiding Kally which means I haven't had normal interactions for a significant amount of time now. Because I consistently cannot prove myself, I'm a blemish on Jaden University and I can feel it. So what's the point in being here? No one needs me. No one needs me except the one group I don't want to be apart of. the ones that want to go against my mother. And the creatures. But thinking about the creatures makes me think about my friends. If I can even call them that. We want different things, we are different. We can't be on the same side. But how can I be friends with my enemies? Are they my enemies?

My head is spinning with everything I don't know. Everything I can't win. Everything I can't do that the rest of the world can. Why did I have to be born as the successor? Why did I have to be the one bearing the responsibility of this world on my shoulders? Why couldn't I just be normal. Have a normal life. Have a normal school. Have a normal family. It makes me think of my flower pot growing during the day. If I could just live during the day. If I could just live in a world filled with light instead of this ever impending darkness. Then, then I would be free, right?

if only this world could end and i could be free of these chains of my convictions. if only we could start over. maybe the world wouldn't feel so cold. wouldn't feel so hopeless. the more i learn the more darkness i see. the more darkness i see the more i wish i could escape.

but i can't escape. i'm trapped in the middle of what this world needs from me. if only there were a blueprint, something telling me where to go. someone saying what i'm made for. clarity.

that's all i desire. for a way out of my head. of this mess. away from it all until i could figure out what i want. what i've always wanted. i wish i could be a gardener, construct a world trapped inside little pots and soil. no one would need a gardener except me and my plants. no one would need me.