Waiting for War

ken

my head is aching, but so is the rest of me. i've never felt this way before a fight. usually i'm ready to fight, itching to kill, but i'm so sick i feel lethargic.

"ken, you sure you're up for this," luke looks concerned.

"when have i ever backed down from a fight?" i laugh.

he doesn't look reassured.

"ken, are you sure this is a good idea?" this time it's kally.

"what are you my mom?" i pull my hood over my head as i roll my eyes.

"just don't do something you'll regret," she continues unfazed.

"why don't you both just mind your own business, i've never been beaten before and it won't be happening in this battle either. i'm made to kill. i've trained my whole life to do this. the other levels were a walk in the park. i'm excited for a challenge," i can tell they're both staring at me but i don't care. i'm looking out of the window.

anger burrows from the inside to the outside of my skin. why are they so worried? i've had this disease forever, there's nothing to worry about. besides if i die it's a plus. but i know that i'll be going out in a blaze of glory so it doesn't matter. no one can beat me. the only one that can is myself. my own body. and i'm okay with dying. i close my eyes so the others stop trying to talk to me. i dont want to keep arguing with my babysitters. it was so much more fun when they didn't care. when they followed my lead. now they just look at me like a piece of china that's ready to shatter at any moment. it makes me look weak. that confidence they used to look at me with has thinned. even kally who was head over heals for me is starting to look through the cracks. i've always been dying, so what's the point in prolonging the inevitable? they just don't understand. they must think that there's something better on the horizon. something worth living for.

i sigh and turn my head the other direction in frustration. i can't fall asleep like this. my mind is a mess from these two clowns worrying about me. i finally open my eyes.

"i'm not going to die on the train ride there will you both stop staring at me and focus on your own issues," i snarl. they both look away rapidly like they weren't doing exactly what i called them out on. i press my hooded head against the cool window and cross my arms, now i can get some sleep.