When we get off the train and make it to our new base it hits me that this has never been so real. the danger. the pain. and the threat. i keep my hands from shaking so katie doesn't see how afraid i am. i can't help it. there's this eerie silence as she leads the way to command. everyone splits off into different rooms except for the troop leaders which follow her back to the end of the hall where command is.
i walk behind her, my eyes darting towards each of the heads of troops. I can't, we can't, trust anyone.
my hearts thuds in my chest. it's scary. the anticipation of what is to come. knowing the consequences of what is to come. knowing that if i show any of that fear i've as good as lost my position as her body guard. it's all intimidating and dumbfounding. my body is cold but no one else can know. my throat is bone dry but i'm alone in this desert.
how do i communicate how im feeling? how do i comfort myself when i have to hide how i feel to comfort others? how do i say i'm struggling when there's so much worse happening to katie? how do i express that i wish it had never come to this, that the inevitable is still to some extent dead inside my head. i'm choosing to stuff down the nerves so i can protect her. protect the future. protect family, even if it's not all my own. protect the people here in alasia even if they don't accept me the way that i am. i'm cold because i know the solid truth. they will never know my pain. they will never know my sacrifice. i will be the shadow in the darkness leading the light to a place of peace.
the cold i feel is the isolation between me and the rest of humanity. the cold divide between what i wish and what i know. the cold truth that i will never be recognized and will still have to live through this pain. is it better that way? to live unmasked? to live in a head space that no one else knows exists.
sacrifice myself for the greater good even though the greater good will pass me by. i have to surrender myself so that others may live.
it's cold.
it's too cold here.
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Waiting for War
FantasyBOOK 3 WARNING: VIOLENCE/BULLYING/DARK THEMES/GORE/SUICIDAL IDEATION/DEATH Some of the characters have already made their fatal decisions, others are still struggling to decide what is right and wrong. Either way, war is coming and they will have t...
