Not enough (Fermín López)

Chapter 11

It had been months since Lorena woke up in someone's arms and there was something about that feeling that scared her. But realising it was Fermín who was holding her while he slept scared her more. What had she done? What had they done? Probably ruin everything between them just because they couldn't control themselves when they were horny. Amazing.

"Morning", said Fermín, smiling at her.

"Good morning".

"You ok?", he noticed something was wrong with her immediately.

"Yeah", she said, sitting up and covering her body with the sheets. "Just tired".

"Sorry about that", chuckled Fermín, moving closer to kiss her shoulder but she moved it away. "You sure you're ok?"

"Yes, I just...I don't want you to get the wrong impression because of this".

"The wrong impression...".

"This isn't going to happen again, Fermín. That's what I'm trying to say".

Fermín tried not to show how much her rejection hurt him. But the way his smile completely disappeared from his face said a lot.

"You said the same thing about the kisses".

"It's different. That was fake".

"Are you going to tell me this was fake too?"

"Obviously not but...it was to be expected, wasn't it?"

"I don't know, Lorena. You tell me since you seem to have all the answers".

"All this faking, and being so close to each other...I guess we knew we could end up doing something like this. We're young and at least I'm not really having sex with anyone else, I don't know about you. So doing all of this...".

"I told you I wasn't going to be with anyone else, Lorena".

She couldn't understand why he was so mad at her suggestion that he could be sleeping with other women. They weren't really dating. It'd be fine. But he did promise... "Yeah, I just. I don't know, I couldn't know for sure. I don't spend 24 hours a day with you".

"Right...".

"And we also had some alcohol last night".

"Lorena, we shared a drink so weak it could have been a soda".

"I'm a lightweight", she shrugged.

"Ok. Sure. Whatever you say".

Lorena didn't even know what she was saying anymore but it broke her heart to hurt him. Fermín got out of bed looking for his clothes and got ready to leave. He wanted to be anywhere but there. When he fell asleep a couple of hours earlier, he didn't expect that to be the first conversation of his day. He didn't know what to expect, actually. But this wasn't a one night stand for him so he clearly didn't think he was going to be kicked out as if it was one. He couldn't do one night stands with Lorena. Not just because of the fake dating, he just...he couldn't. She meant a lot more to him.

"Where are you going?"

"Training".

"I thought you didn't have training today".

"Not with the team but with my personal trainer. No days off and all that".

"Do you...", she started. "Do you want to have breakfast before you leave?"

"I wouldn't want to bother you more".

"You don't bother me", she said softly.

"You sure about that?", he shook his head, not allowing her time to respond. "Whatever. See you in class".

Hearing the door close made Lorena fall back into the bed and cover her eyes with the bedsheets to stop the tears. But it didn't work. Why was it so hard for her to control her emotions when she was with Fermín? And she felt like an asshole. What she was trying to do was avoid being hurt. But she hurt Fermín instead. Not what she meant to do at all.

Fermín didn't go to see his personal trainer but he couldn't go home either because his emotions were too raw. So he asked Gavi to meet him for breakfast. He was the only person who knew what was going on after all. Fermín could trust him with that secret.

"Hey, how was the party...why do you look like that?"

"I messed up", said Fermín, putting his head in his hands.

"How?"

"I slept with Lorena".

Gavi's eyebrows shot up, and he tried really hard not to make jokes because he could see his friend wasn't doing ok. "Why is that bad?"

"Because she isn't happy we did".

"Did something go wrong?"

"No jokes about how bad I am in bed that I scared her away?", asked Fermín, trying to laugh.

"You don't look like you need me to do those types of jokes".

Fermín nodded, grateful his friend understood him. "I don't know. It went well. I mean, I liked it. I fucking loved it. And she seemed to like it too. But then we woke up and she told me about how it couldn't happen again and to not get the wrong idea".

"Fermín", started Gavi, trying to find the right words to say. "It's not an easy situation. You're fake dating because you want to help her. You don't need this, she does".

"Your point?"

"Well, I don't know her so keep that in mind. But maybe there's a part of her that thinks you just wanted to sleep with her and will now dump her when she still needs you".

"I guess...", it did make sense, but he hated to think about Lorena believing he was that kind of guy. "I never made her feel that way, though. I don't think I did".

"You probably didn't but she's been through a lot. It'd be normal to have trust issues. I have them too so I can relate".

Fermín thought again about what Lorena said and tried to find some of what Gavi suggested in her words. It could make sense, but it still hurt. He didn't know what to do but he knew he needed to keep his distance until it stopped hurting. And maybe going to see his personal trainer was a good idea after all. To let some steam off.

His last performance wasn't great either so it was too many bad emotions in just a few days. He had gotten hate comments too, so he took some videos of his training to post on Instagram. It was stupid how he felt the need to show those idiots he was working hard but he did it anyway.

When he got home, his family suggested watching a movie together and Fermín joined them after a quick shower.

"Had a good time at the party, honey?", asked his mum.

"Yeah".

"I didn't know you weren't going to sleep here. Were you with Lorena?"

Hearing her name felt like a stab to the heart. "Yes, it was getting late and I didn't want her to go home alone so...".

"You don't have to explain it", laughed his dad. "But let us know next time. You know we worry".

"Of course, sorry".

While they watched the movie, Fermín moved closer to his mum and put the blanket she was hoarding over his legs too. She looked at him and smiled, putting her arm around his shoulders and kissing his head.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes", he lied. "I guess I just need to cuddle my mum sometimes".

That made her laugh and kiss his head again. "Those are my favourite cuddles so feel free to do it more often".

The phone in Fermín's pocket vibrated a couple of times and he took it out to see who was texting him. Lorena.

He turned the phone off and looked at the TV screen again.