Not enough (Fermín López)

Chapter 19

Lorena closed the door and took off the hoodie Fermín gave her to wear before throwing herself on the bed, face first. Fermín lay down next to her, staring at the ceiling. He took a couple of deep breaths before looking to his left and found Lorena hadn't moved from her original position.

"You alright?", he asked her.

"I just want a normal day, you know?", he nodded, even though she wasn't looking at him. "To just wake up, go to class, come back here, do my homework and not deal with all this bullshit".

"I know...".

"I just want to forget what life really is like. To pretend, maybe. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm saying".

Fermín noticed Lorena's t-shirt, his t-shirt, had ridden up a bit and her lower back was exposed. He kept looking at it and then he lifted his hand to touch the soft skin, hoping to comfort her but also giving in to the need to get closer to her. The previous night had been a nightmare. Having Lorena lying down by his side in his bed and not being able to hold her...he passed the test but at what cost? He thought he was going to lose his mind a few times. He got out of bed as soon as he could in the morning to almost run away from the temptation.

"Fer...".

He looked up and saw her closing her eyes again, enjoying his touch. And so he got bolder. Now resting on his side, he moved his hand up to move her shirt and expose her shoulder. Lorena opened her eyes but didn't say anything, just looked at him. As if hypnotized.

"Do you still trust me?"

And when she nodded, he moved forward to kiss her shoulder, then her neck and jaw. After looking at her again, giving her the chance to stop him from getting closer but seeing there was no rejection, he leaned forward again, joining their lips. There were few things Fermín liked more than kissing Lorena.

"I know how to make you forget", he whispered. "If that's what you want".

"Go ahead, then".

Lorena knew that was the last thing she should be doing. But how could she say no? The fights with her parents always made her feel worthless. As a kid, she guessed all parents were the same. So when she found out some of her friends had nice parents who actually acted as if they loved their children, she started to cry when hers treated her so poorly. And that only ended up annoying them more and resulted in them telling her off more often. Because no one liked kids who cry for no reason. Or so they said.

Ever since, she had been jealous of anyone who had a loving family. As stupid as that was. But she couldn't stop herself from feeling that way. And seeing Fermín interact with his mum had caused more jealousy. She wanted what he had...and she wanted him. She was never going to stop wanting him no matter how much she tried. She knew that now.

What they did that time was very different from when they slept together after the carnival party. This felt more real. Too real even. It wasn't the result of dancing together, moving along to the sensual music and teasing each other. There was no one around them they wanted to convince they were a real couple. It was just the two of them. And they didn't need anyone else.

It was slow and it was sweet. They didn't have all the time in the world but it felt like they did. Lorena thought that had to be how people in love loved each other. And Fermín knew it was, at least from his side. Because he loved Lorena. There were no doubts about that. And he was trying to show that love to her since he feared not being able to tell her with words. And because seeing her hurt was so fucking painful. So seeing that pain be replaced by pleasure made him feel like that was his biggest achievement in a long time. Even if it was just for an hour, he made her forget about all her worries.

Lorena went to the bathroom quickly before joining Fermín back in bed and he opened his arms so they could cuddle. She smiled before taking him on the offer and took a deep breath when his arms tightened around her. Lorena felt so safe there. It almost made no sense. She had never felt so safe but Fermín could manage to make her forget about other problems, like he promised he was going to. Crazy how she had finally met someone who kept his promises.

Fermín played with her hair, kissing her head every couple of minutes while Lorena just kept her eyes closed, enjoying the feeling. Enjoying being looked after. It was a feeling she could get used too very easily.

"When do you have to leave for training?"

"Soon. But we can stay here a little longer. Don't worry".

"Good", she sounded so content, Fermín smiled down at her.

But it was time to also talk about important stuff. Even if it killed the mood a little bit.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with Adrián showing up here too", he finally said. "Something needs to be done with him. I get he loves you. But this is bordering on stalking. I don't care if it was your parents who called him".

"Well", she sighed. "I heard some people say he didn't believe the cousin explanation and that he knew there was something wrong with our relationship. So this will make him believe we're still together and it's all normal. And we also convinced your mum so successful day".

"They're not the only ones that are being convinced by all of this...".

"Who else is? I didn't know there was anyone else we had to convince".

Lorena looked up to see Fermín's face. There was something about the way he was looking at her. She almost feared what he'd say next...but he didn't say anything.

Instead of talking, he kissed her again. And felt relief when she didn't push him away.

"It's really hard for me to pretend we're still faking, Lorena", he said, voice soft but not as soft as the way he caressed her cheek.

"I know...".