Diary of a High School Has Been (18+)

Entry 7: Elizabeth Addler's Party

I think there's something wrong with me. I think that there's this internal self destruct button that I can't help but push all the time. I do it with my parents and I think I do it with Preston too. I can't help but screw things up, even if they're going in my favor.

For instance, last night at dinner, we had a very nice meal laid out before us. Mom really busted out the big guns. Roast beef, potatoes, roasted veggies, pasta salad, and a bunch of other stuff. It was like a holiday dinner meal. Not something she would cook up on a random Saturday night.

Instead of sitting there, enjoying my meal in silence like everyone else, I had to create tension. Tension that wasn't even there! It was just that the silence was maddening, especially coming from my father. Still not a single word! Even after the scene I made.

"Are we always going to eat in uncomfortable silence?"

"I'm not uncomfortable," my mom tried to play off.

"Dads been uncomfortable for 9 months since he's seen my tits plastered all over the internet." I spoke up snidely since my father never wants to join any conversation we ever have.

He dropped his utensils and shot my mother a look. Not even me! Like I was simply her problem. Like I was just her child to discipline. Like he didn't have a daughter.

"Perhaps dad would feel comfortable speaking in his own house again if I were just gone! Maybe I should just kill myself!"

"Enough, Parker!" My mother yelled as my dad removed himself from the dining table.

Still not a word.

"See, I told you! Dad doesn't even want me here. I'm leaving!"

I ran upstairs and grabbed my cheerleading duffle bag. I packed all the things I needed for the party and threw them in. I also threw in a pair of overnight clothes and a couple extra outfits in case I needed to spend Sunday at Leah's as well. I knew after the scene I had just created, my mother wasn't going to be too welcoming Sunday morning.

After slinging my duffle over my shoulder, I flew back down the stairs and rushed out the door before my mother could stop me. She wouldn't have tried but I like to pretend that she would have.

By the time I had walked to Leah's house it was late. Late enough to start getting ready for the party. I told Leah I wanted to look sexy for Preston and she was totally on board. I wore a black strapless mini dress with a long slit up the side that stopped just at the bottom of my hip. I decided to go commando. No underwear and no bra. I didn't want to ruin the outfit. I also wore my thigh high black boots and some light jewelry. A silver choker, earrings and a bracelet. Nothing too showy.

Leah suggested I wear my hair half up and half down with two braided ponytails pulling my hair back. She put some colorful barrettes in my braids and helped me put eyeliner on. I loved the way it looked. It made me feel more sexy having the little cat eye.

Leah looked good herself but she insisted on wearing jeans. Sure, it was gonna be cold outside but we were going to a party! It was sure to get warmer in the house. She never listens to me and we always end up dressing for two entirely different occasions. Like a cropped sweater and jeans? While I'm dressed to the 9's??

It didn't matter what Leah was wearing though. I had to look good for Preston. The only thing on my mind was him and it was driving me insane. Leah had swiped a bottle from her parents' alcohol cabinet and was giving me shot after shot to calm my nerves. The pregaming seemed to do the trick as it was starting to hit me and I was feeling more excited than nervous.

We pulled up to the party around 11/11:30. We saw some of our friends head inside but there was no way I was stepping into a party that Drake was at, without a boy on my arm. I told Leah she could go inside and hang out with the other girls. I wanted to wait outside for Preston.