5 | NO SLEEP

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Riley sat on the balcony, the sliding door slightly ajar so she'd hear if Aurora called out for her

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Riley sat on the balcony, the sliding door slightly ajar so she'd hear if Aurora called out for her. She held her favourite mug between her hands, resting it against her thighs. The wind blew through her hair, making it fly all over her face but she paid no mind to it.

It was almost four in the morning and Riley couldn't remember the last time she slept through the night. There was just too much things crossing her mind and she wasn't able to sort through them. It was all too heavy.

Footsteps resonated from behind her, but she barely even realized that someone pushed the sliding door open and slipped outside until a body sat beside hers.

"Still can't sleep?"

The voice brought her out of her thoughts, rolling her head to the side to look at the source of it. "No, you neither?"

"No." Jay shook his head softly, biting his lip as he stared ahead of him. He tucked his knees to his chest, mimicking her position. A sigh left his lips, "Is there anything I can do?"

Tears welled up her eyes as she shook her head, refusing to look into his eyes. "No."

He sighed again, biting the inside of his cheek this time as he rolled his tongue a few times before speaking up. "I know I should've been there, Ri. I know. But I couldn't and it's eating at me."

A tear rolled down her cheek at his words and she quickly wiped it, shaking her head. "It's not your fault."

"Well, it's not yours either." He responded and she let out a light scoff, shaking her head slowly.

"Maybe, maybe not." She shrugged, clearing her throat so she wouldn't start bawling her eyes out. "All I know is that you rushed home," Her voice got caught in her throat, breaking Jay's heart in the process. "- only to find out that I- that our baby boy-"

"Riley," He whispered, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to tug her towards him. "What happened wasn't your fault."

"I should've known. I should've known when he wasn't kicking anymore and when-" She broke into tears, unable to say anything else. Riley shoved her face in Jay's neck, crying it out - much like she'd been doing for the past week.

She wished she'd sent Jay that letter, informing him that she was pregnant. That Mouse had sent that letter back and that her unit - her family - had supported her through it all until Jay got back a month after she'd given birth.

But truth was, she had sent that letter and it had gotten to Jay. He read it and after talking with his superiors, who had gotten multiple calls from Voight and Platt demanding that Jay came back to Chicago - they allowed it. Jay got home, pushed his war thoughts to the back of his mind so he could take care of his pregnant wife and his daughter. Weeks later, Riley had given birth to their son - only there was no heartbeat when he came into the world and they weren't sure exactly when it had stopped. All they knew was that they were unable to bring it back.

SAFE - Jay Halstead (3)Where stories live. Discover now