The Puzzle Of Love | Ishman

Ch.1

*Ishan's POV*

Turning off the light, I wanted someone to hold me tightly, close to them. I imagined a strong arm wrapped around me, keeping me safe, but I regretted it, causing myself to pull my shirt down, hiding any bit of my skin that was exposed, and covering up myself with the sheet.

It became heavy to breathe after a few minutes, so I peeked my face out, looking at the hand of the clock moving slowly, watching and counting every second passing by.
The clock and a bit of the ceiling were lit up by the moonlight which was peeking in through my window, making everything worse.

Moon holds a special place in love and romance, and I wanted that too, but my thoughts struck me again, hitting my wounded heart like a sharp knife piercing through.

A mixture of emotions flooded my body and I didn't know how to hold back anymore. Warm tears and silent cries left my eyes, with no one to witness or wipe them.
"I don't want that! I don't need that" I kept repeating with a broken voice.
A part of me agreed with these words, knowing this was the truth, but the softer part inside of me, that emerges every night knew I couldn't keep lying to myself.

"I need that, too, maybe. I want that" I finally admitted into the darkness, my words fading away with the tick of the clock and I unknowingly took heavy breaths, drifting off into a sleep, with a broken heart.

.....

*Shubman's POV*

Stepping back into my room, looking at the beautiful painting I made a few months ago on my wall, I smiled at it proudly, never getting enough of it.
It was LGBT themed. A tall, black shoot with a huge flower that had rainbow petals and beautiful butterflies gathered around it.

I then put on my night lamp, which spelled 'LOVE', and jumped on my soft bed, covering myself with the duvet.
I whispered a "Good night" to absolutely no one and hugged my pillow close to me, as always, and fell into a deep sleep.

----

*Ishan's POV*

I heard the chirping of birds, signaling it was already morning. I didn't have my lecture until late so I decided to take 5 more minutes. 5 turned into 15 and then 20.
I woke up suddenly, realising I was sleeping again.
The soft, cold air collided with the sides of my stomach, making me shudder at first, my fingers reaching to feel the warmth, but a sudden wave of objection washed over me, causing me to withdraw my hand.

Waking up every day and going to college hasn't been that easy, especially when you have no one to really share your thoughts with.
Slowly being dragged through the day was enough to annoy me, having to face the people I didn't like and even if I tried, I was never myself with them. That's what I hate about people and relationships, be it just friends, you're never allowed to be yourself. Although I hated being around them, and having to bottle up everything inside of me, I was probably the most polite of them all.
That's how it works.

I finally got rid of the weird college kids and teachers, stopping at my favorite coffee place. 'Moon and Sparkles'.

...
..

*Shubman's POV*

Waking up today felt different. I put on my favourite playlist, cooking myself a small meal, and getting ready for the day ahead.
You see I am the owner of 'Moon and Sparkles', the most loved cafe in the whole city.
I visited there quite frequently, loving to keep a check on my employees. It's not like any of them never worked with their heart, it's exactly the reason why I love to visit them almost daily.

"Good morning, Boss"
"Good Morning my lovely staff! Ready to start the day?"
"Yes sir!"

Today, I've decided to act as one of the waiters. I usually do that, it's nothing new for any of us. The rush usually lasts in the morning from about 8 to 10 and then in the afternoon, 12 to 3. In the evening, we usually have families wanting to spend some time together from about 8 to 11.

Currently it was 2, and the rush seemed to die down a little. I felt a bit tired from all the orders today and I was ready to leave, but the door chime clinked again, alerting me about a customer who has just entered.

It was a guy, shorter than me, and probably younger, his eyes were looking tired yet his face had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.
I absent-mindedly went to get his order, something about him pulling me towards him.

"Hi sir, I'm Shubman, your waiter for today, what can I get you?"
"Hi Shubman, can I have your special 'Moon and Sparkles' coffe?"
"Sure, sir!"

I said and he smiled at me. Out of all the college kids looking his age I've ever met, he's really the most polite I've ever seen.

I told my crew to prepare the order and also add a waffle as a treat with it.
"Here, si-"
"Ishan, please. You're probably older than me, just call me Ishan" I smiled.
"Here's your coffee, Ishan, with a waffle from myside, because you're the last customer at this hour"
"Thank you" He said.

"Do you come here often?"
"I do after my college, it's so tiring and boring, so I just like to have a breath of fresh chocolate and vanilla here"
"I'm glad my cafe can do that for you"
"Your?"
"Oh as in, I work here, obviously "
"Of course, yes!"
"I'm looking forward to see you tomorrow too, Ishan"

It was the truth, I wanted to meet him again. Something about him was so intriguing that I didn't want him to go just yet, talk a little more. Just stay for a bit more.

"Of course. I'll see you too, Shubman... How much for my order today?"
"It's fine, consider it as a treat from us."
"No no I can't -"
"Trust me, It's alright"

I said those words and felt his expression change from a happier to a different one. Something I couldn't exactly decode. What did I say wrong?

*Ishan's POV*

Trust. Trust, wasn't the word I was planning to hear today. It's the opposite of what I can do right now. I hate that word, knowing what 'trust' does. I tried not to hint the thoughts and memories that were running on my mind involuntarily.
I blurted out a "yeah", damn sure I was staring blankly at him, lost in my thoughts.

It wasn't much later I found myself leaving the cafe, walking back to my small house. A part of me kept thinking about Shubman while the other kept reminding me whatever I was doing is wrong.

'In the silence of longing, a heart echoes the ache of a love it can't hold.'

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A/N
What even is holding Ishan back? Why is he refusing yet longing to accept Shubman?

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