Dipendenza

Chapter 6

Leonardo

I walked into Williams room making no sound. His mother is completely unreachable. I guess now is the time to assume the dad position I promised.

I picked up the baby and held him close to my heart. He stirred but laid his head on my chest. I brushed his blonde hair from his forehead. I've never enjoyed kids but he's okay. He doesn't fuss too much and that's what I hate most about kids. The fucking noise irritates me deeply but William is a good baby. He's pretty old at six months and has been through a lot. I think he's just happy to not be around crazy people.

My phone ringing brought me from my thoughts.

"Hello." I answered after setting the sleeping baby in his crib.

"You haven't been to visit me in awhile." The soft sultry voice rang out.

"After last time I thought you didn't want me too." She chuckled slightly. "I don't think it's best if we see each other anymore."

"Why because I love you."

"Yes." I said plainly. "I told you I can't love you the way you want." This has happened before. One night stands turned into fuck buddies for a few weeks and then the pain of having to let them down. My heart belongs to one person and right now I don't see myself giving it away to another.

People are creatures of attraction. Of course having sex leads to deeper feelings. I haven't felt those feelings since the day Mary died and at this point I never will. I want sex and nothing else.

"I know and I can hold my feelings back. I don't want to give up good sex because of a few words." She tried explaining.

"My answer is no." I said before hanging up. I can't handle one night stands right now anyway. My mind has been racing lately thinking about a certain someone.

It's odd to me that after all these years I've found another man to be attracted to. I haven't been unknown to enjoy the company of a man before but this was years before I even met my wife. As a young adult I had sex with just about anyone who would let me. After Mary though I just didn't have the appetite for a man but something about Ronald draws me near. He's different. He doesn't treat me like I'm special or I'm scary. He still refuses to call me by my name and he's so vulgar and I usually hate that. I've never been drawn to someone like him but his company seems to ground me. Being around yes men all day must make the first person who says no to me seem normal.

I think it's more than that though. He is funny and handsome and can cook. His food is so fucking good it brings me to my knees. I can't get enough. I think I'm just pent up and I need some release. I just don't have the appetite for anyone right now.

I slipped from the child's room without making noise and walked down the hall to my brother's room. I leaned against the door and watched him as he focused intently on his medical books.

"Studying?" I asked, walking into his room.

"Fuck Leo." He yelled jumping up. "Stop doing that creepy shit."

"Language little brother." I glared. I walked over to his desk and sat in the chair facing him. "How's school? Have you passed that chemistry class yet?"

"It's fine Leo, you don't have to worry about me." He said with a sigh.

"Too late." I smiled. He squinted at me before shaking his head.

"You're confusing me today."

"Confusing you?" I asked.

"First you actually volunteered to feed William. No, actually you didn't stay out late last night, you came back with good food, you just put Will to sleep and now you're smiling. Are you high?" He asked seriously.