Here Comes the Sun

06 | constellations

        THE HOUSE STILL SMELLS OF alcohol and beer. What I need is some water that any other taste to get drunk tonight as much as I want to. I want to forget about that awful night. I want to get lost in the moment for once and not have to worry about him showing up. Instead, I grab a cup of punch from the punch bowl and grab the ladle to pour a cup full of it. I take a drink and the fruity flavor takes over my taste buds.

        At first glance, I thought that Veronica and the others would've created this clever combination between the punch and vodka. I shudder at the idea as I take another drink and look vacantly at the people dancing.

        Why did I ever agree to come to this party again? Oh, right! To let loose for the night. But I don't feel like I'm letting loose as I should be. If anything, it's stressful at the moment with the overwhelming alcoholic smell that I'm starting to have a distaste for.

        My mouth is dry and I try to fight the urge to chew the inside of my cheek but I immediately lose that battle. It was something that I developed over time and it's not as bad as ripping pages out of magazines, that is when shit truly hits the fan.

        As I take another drink from my cup, I try not to stare too hard at the horny couple on my left who are fervently making out on the couch. The girl lets out a loud moan and her boyfriend has his hands running through her hair like crazy.

      The music is too loud for me to think of anything other than the party. So much for wanting to let loose. But I know that I shouldn't back out now, no matter how much I want to leave and curl up in bed-that might as well be my plan for spring break and yet that seems boring as hell. Plus, I know how badly Laurie wanted me to come here to forget about my ex-roommate and trust me, I want to forget about him so badly.

        I go back to biting the inside of my cheek and this time my pulse quickens. My heart starts to pound in my chest while my breath is coming off short. So many thoughts that give me the worst ideas are running through my mind. God, please, don't let him show his face here! I think, taking a large sip of my drink. I survey the room for the familiar face and it seems like the coast is clear ... for now.

        I need some air, actually, I need to pee. I'm not sure where Veronica is but my bladder is desperate and I'm not going to fucking embarrass myself by pissing all over the floor. I throw away my empty cup into the trash and head upstairs since I assume that's where the guest bathroom would be.

        When I make it to the top of the stairs, it doesn't take long for me to find the bathroom. Thankfully, it's not occupied either. But unfortunately for me, I have to squat over the toilet because the air smells like drugs, almost candy-like and it looks like they did it on the toilet seat. Gross.

        Afterward, I quickly wash my hands and leave the bathroom. The smell is suffocating as it is.

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        I take in the fresh air, filling up my lungs when I step outside. I feel the wind on my skin and my hair flurrying around me. The lemon moon loomed-shining its light from above. I sit down on the front steps and stretch out my feet. Looking up at the night sky, I can easily remember a time sitting underneath a blanket of stars, counting them until I fell asleep in my father's arms. Stargazing usually takes me out of situations like this. Talking to the moon helped me think and get almost everything off of my chest before I started my sessions with Mrs. Hudson.

        A sea of specks cover damn near the whole sky, bits of constellations that seemed so hard to find but are undoubtedly so recognizable, if you're an astronomy student and have a telescope sitting in your room.