Here Comes the Sun

14 | supernova

        SOMETIMES, I'VE THOUGHT OF ELEANORE as a supernova. Loud, luminous, colorful, and yet so unpredictable. But often, she reminded me of the sun. It wasn't because of her smile, but of her warming presence that burns in the back of my mind. She has this gravitational pull that I can't seem to get away from nor do I want to. My dad used to explain how supernovas only happen when a star reaches the end of their evolutionary stage or even when a white dwarf is triggered into a runaway nuclear fusion.

        Since that night at the party, I don't think that my life has even been the same when I met her. Is this what it's like to catch instant feelings for someone? Let alone a girl? Sure, I have had several crushes on girls before including Dianne Simmons and Joan Crawford but this one... I don't know. I keep telling myself that it's too soon for me to be having these feelings especially if she's someone who I hardly know.

        It took us exactly two days for us to put our bucket list together. Two mornings of indulging in Dee Dee's waffles and sipping on little juice boxes(because who drinks milkshakes in the morning), sheets of notebook paper being stuck together with a couple of scotch tape. The list itself was scribbled in colorful writing , Eleanore's cursive and neat writing while mine was just, well, neat.

        "Have a movie marathon," Eleanore would suggest and I'd write it down on the page like we were planning for the end of the world or something. "And then, I think we should go to Stevie Nicks' Wild Heart concert and then—"

        "Woah, woah, woah, slow down, Ellie! I can only write so much," I stop as I add it to the list. "I honestly never took you for a Stevie Nicks fan."

        "I'm full of surprises, Quinn." She winks at me. "Luckily, she'll be in Indianapolis in July if you're up for it."

        "Wait, what about New York?" I happen to ask.

        She starts doodling on the edge of the paper, drawing stars and hearts. Her glances are on me and the paper. "I told you... I plan to be leaving Arcadia by the end of the summer so we still have time."

        "Oh, okay," I nod and continue writing. "What about going swimming in Lake Maple?"

        "Yes! I've always wanted to go there!" She snapped her fingers.

         There are so many popular hangout spots, especially for spring break and the summer. And Lake Maple is one of those spots. It was where AU always had their traditional bonfires before they stopped. I've only been there once or twice but coming back only seems like a distant memory.

         Eleanore drank loudly from her juice box. "I've never roller skated before."

         "You've never roller skated before?" I repeated slowly.

         "Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to but didn't have the courage to. I've seen people do it in the park and I'm left impressed, you know? I'm scared of falling, Moggy."

         "I mean, you're going to fall at some point. And trust me, it hurts less once you have the proper gear for it. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I can teach you." I offer.

         Her hazel eyes nearly pop straight out from the sockets and she suddenly smiles. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

         "Look, I can't promise you that I'm some roller skating goddess or anything and I'd feel bad watching you fall on your ass from time to time," I reply, almost laughing.

         "Oh, ha-ha. I forgot that you're a comedian."

         "What can I say? But seriously, I do mean it, Elle."

          Without thinking, my hand lays flat on top of hers as I stare deep into her eyes from across the table. They really like windows to the fucking soul. She smiles warmly at me and I manage to mentally trace her face, capturing every detail. I admire the white cloud drawings over her eyelids and near the darkened wings.

          She truly is like a supernova.

          Somehow the world around us is so blurry and I hoped that it would stay that way for some reason. It isn't long until I regain my sense of control, swiftly pull my hand off of hers and I clear my throat.

          "Uh, how about..." I trail off into silence, chewing on the back of the pen cap and starving for an idea.

          "Maybe we can—wait, no," Eleanore scratches the side of her head.

          But it wasn't until we met back in Mallory Park, sitting underneath the gazebo. The sun began to kiss the very treetops. Eleanore had eaten the last Rueben sandwich from the picnic basket as we added finishes and touches on the list. It feels strange coming back here with how things ended the other day but I'm just glad that it was resolved.

          "Well, I think that's everything, Moggy. We're really doing this!" She scanned through the list then back at me with glittering eyes. "Listen, thank you again for agreeing to do this with me. I don't think that I can ask for a better partner than you."

          Does she really mean that? I can't tell if she's being serious or this is all just part of an act. Although, I can't think of anything else to say to her other than giving her a genuine smile. After we have signed our names on the bucket list, I began dreading the part where we have to go our separate ways.

           They say that goodbyes are the hardest thing to say to someone after you have grown attached to them. Somewhere from the car ride home, the tired footsteps to the bathroom, hoping that a cold shower would relax me in some ways. It was at that very moment when I fell onto my bed, watching the moonlight—I began to miss her.

           I miss Eleanore now.

           Why are these feelings so fucking complicated? Is love supposed to be this way?

           I haven't always been fond of tomorrows—until her. I found myself wishing for longer moments even if it was just us talking about the most dumbest thing in the universe. Wishing to hear her laugh. Anything if it means that I get to see those eyes looking back at me.

           No, this isn't a date. It's too soon for me to fall in love with anyone. Not after what he did to me that night. But maybe... someday?

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