Here Comes the Sun

18 | gray clouds

A SMILE POPS UP ON her face as she mouths the lyrics of 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' when I walk back into the living room. After a quick phone call with my parents, or rather I left them a voicemail, I drop down onto the couch. I begin to notice that I love it when she smiles. The way her eyes flicker in the lighting like a lake on a sunny day. I like how full her red lips get and the wrinkles near her eyes. The way her cheeks rise when she laughs. I figure that I'm beginning to love everything about Eleanore.

I grab a couple of popcorn from the bowl sitting in between us and chuck it into my mouth. Eleanore recites a little bit of the line from the movie in soft whispers. "How many times have you seen this movie?"

"Only five times."

"Five times?!"

"Moggy, it's a classic. I couldn't resist."

"So much that you have to recite every line like that," I remark.

Eleanore folds her arms across her chest, her cheeks are flushed red. She looks absolutely cute when she's flustered. "Well, when it comes to Judy Garland, yes. Besides, after how MGM treated her on the set, I can't help but feel bad for her."

"What do you mean? What did they do to her?"

"In one of her biographies that came out in '72, her mother apparently had her take some stimulants so that she can stay awake for seventy-two hour shoots and then force fed her sleeping pills to knock her out when she wasn't needed," Eleanore explains.

"Sleeping pills, huh?" The thought of that reminds me of that awful night. I feel myself curling up, bringing my knees to my chest.

"Yeah, and can you believe it? And Judy was ten years old at the time. Who the hell does that to their own child? It's so wrong and-"

That night keeps flashing into my mind over and over again. My heart begins to beat against my chest. Why now? I think to myself. We were having such a great time moments ago and now this shit is happening. I can no longer hear Eleanore or the movie playing in the background. My breath is starting to come off short and my lips quiver.

I keep seeing his face smiling at me again. Him on top of me. His handprints on my bare skin. Stop! Stop! Stop! I want this all to stop. My heart is beating faster than ever and I'm pretty sure if my heart rate is exceeding then I should be dead by now.

"Moggy? Moggy? Are you okay?" Eleanore's voice is muffled but I can see her sitting in front of me like I'm drowning. "Hey, Imogene? I'm right here!"

"No, stop!" I cry out.

Eleanore grabs the remote off of the coffee table and hits pause on the movie. She's scooting closer to me but not too close. "Hey, I'm right here, Imogene!" She takes my hands into hers. "Just breathe, okay?"

I try to slow down my heavy breath along with my fast beating heart. Eleanore runs the pad of her thumb over the back of my hands, they're so soft. I guess sleeping pills is a trigger word for me now. Finally, my breathing but I'm still shaking and I know that my palms must feel sweaty or at least warm. I let out the air through my mouth and Eleanore does it with me.

"I-I'm so sorry," I begin to sob, a single tear rolls down my face. "I-"

"It's okay. You don't need to apologize, Moggy." She looks down at her hands touching mine. "Is this okay?"

I nod slowly, trying not to choke up on my words. I don't know why but something about having her this close to me, holding her hands feels so comforting. "Thank you, Eleanore."