if only..

chapter 14 - hallucinations

Tw: hallucinations (duh), PTSD, depression, no no language 

       Was this true love?

 thinking about the per- mutant, constantly. To the point where you thought they were back to their old self?..

        I wonder If he remembers me.. I wonder if he's back to himself again..

                   I wonder if we can start over again..

"shit.." I mumble, as Big Mama walks in the room with a frown. Or more of a 'im about to beat your ass' look. I sit up straight, pausing the Tv as I make a half ass smile. I rub the back of my neck 

       "Hey Big Mama" 

                   SLAP

what the..? Did she just-.. My shaky hand raised and touched my cheek, it felt red and hurt a bit, but otherwise I think I was okay. Except the tears, damn I was water works today. 

      "YOU FUCKING CUNT! 4 OF MY MEN DIED BECAUSE OF YOUR SILLY ANTICS WITH YOUR 'PET'!" She screamed, I shook a bit at her voice. Fuck I accidently killed some foot soilders, what would that change? Big Mama never really cared if anyone died, and more certainly would never slapped me, or at least thats what I though. 

          "4 of my men..- 4 OF MY FUCKING MEN!" she screamed once more, slapping me again this time on my other cheek. I shook a bit more, fuck- I just had a relapse I did not need this.

                 "boo, I think you need to be taught a lesson" Big Mama said, as she yanked my hair, I yelped a bit as she dragged me off the bed. Why  the hell was she acting like this? wasn't she all lovely dovey and mommy towards me last night? Or maybe I just suck at emotions. Either way I was itching my neck again, and again. Why can't I stop? I yelped as she absantmindedly tossed me around by my hair. I could see my tears falling behind me as I was dragged. I screamed and kicked, but this spider mommy was stronger than I thought. Speaking of spiders, she looked like she was about to go into her original form. fuck me-

        "I thought my other pets were going to liveily? And I wouldn't have to do this to my fave boo. But internal bleeding blah blah and other little nonsense was happening to my silly foots" She blabbed as she tossed me on the cold ground, rain hit my face hard as my weak body looked up at her.  

        "But boo-" She chuckled "The deal was off lots ago" She smirked and slammed the door, or outside door?- I was too tired to know. I think I was in an alleyway- or something, I had no idea.  All I could feel - besides pain - was heavy rainfall as I soon began to soak. Than I heard that voice, the voice I missed 

         "Y/N..-" He said sadly "you've got to get up" 

 I turn my head up, seeing my lover. My tears intertwining with the rain as I looked at him, my face bare with no emotion 

       "Im waiting for you- you have to get up" Donnie pleads, I use my weak limbs as I try to stand. But quickly fall with a loud oof noise. I curl up into a ball as Donnie cups my face, I stare into his black eyes filled with emotion. 

         "I love you" He whispered in my ear, and right when he was about to kiss me, he dissapeared. I hear a thud, and the door Big Mama threw me, opened. And there she was, Irma with a sad expression just as my lover had. She knelt down beside me, with food, water - even though there was plenty of rain in New york - and bandages, or neosporn? I couldn't tell anything apart anymore. The red fox yokai started to tend to my wounds. My hair, my bruises from being pulled around, and everything else. 

         "why are you so nice to me?.." I barely spoke as Irma's coat began to get soggy, like a dog's fur would. I look at her, my eyes still baring no emotions. She smiled, that same old smile, and touched my red cheek from the hard slap. 

             "because I love you" She said but bit her lip "But i now know, I can never presue this lover, so its best if we stay friends" 

        I wanted to say I agreed, but alas my body was too tired to speak again. Me and Irma were never good together, but I would have to say it would have been interesting dating a lady yokai. She goes back to treating my wounds, and that ADHD fox remembered something I think- as she pulled out an umbrella. Suddenly the cold and vicsious rain stopped pouring its cold seeds on me, and I felt a bit warmer - key word bit - She stands up, her tail in between her legs as she left me. 

        "I've left you some supplies, and that umbrella of course- It will last you a while, but I think you will be able to find those turtles" She says quickly "I wish I could do more dear Y/N butt my paycheck does not do me enough" Irma said as she places some food and water next to me 

        I hear a quiet chuckle, from me or from her, again i can't tell what is what anymore.

    "I do wish Big Mama wouldn't have taken her anger out on you- Im sure she cares and will regret this. I've been working for her long enough that when her partner, Lou Jistsu, left her after a big fight or something they had. Probably because of her, she regretted it imeatitatly but just was never the bigger person and apologize. Her image is more important to her than her relationships" Irma said as her furry hands touched the handle of the wet door.. 

        "I wish you all the best.. " She says as she open the door, the light bleaming in my eyes as she closed it.. than she was gone.

      I mean- I did my best standing up, but all the way to the sewers I looked like a drunk person

          Donnie, please wait for me- 

                           we will get our happily ever after..

                                                              I promise.... 

srry this wuz a short one, 1050 :c