This isn't love this is torture

chapter 33 - Fine

cw

Donatello's Pov

       I ache; my body hurts as I grab onto my bridges on my plastron. Trying to imitate a hug from Y/N, which soothed my ultimately. Though, of course, i wanted the real deal. Everything around me began to crumble, my life, my relationships, my mind. When i first met Y/N- er- well saw them. My life changed. Seeing them purchase hair dye from hot topic, walking out with deep purple eyebags from lack of sleep, seeing them text their boss before they sat down, just trying to enjoy the little life they want left. 

     In that moment, the moment i saw a single tear stream down their face, I loved them. Maybe it was the fact I saw someone helpless and felt pity for them. Or maybe some sick twisted fantasy of mine that i had never realized wanted to play out. But for all I could care, I loved Y/N. So of course, with zero social skills, i began to stalk my loved one.  

        Up until, i sat next to them on a train. Smelling their intoxicating scent next to mine, their hand brushing so softly against mine. This was the moment, the moment i would personally ask for their number. Of course, i could never say it, so i gave them that note. And then we went to that date. And then. 

    I had to fuck everything up.

 Of course, i had to kidnap her, i couldn't trust her. What if she would never love me, i just had to take her away from her worries. At the moment it happened, i thought it was a sensible act, something with perfect reason. now though, i know how i messed up so horrible. Maybe today, if i hadn't let my impulsivity take control of me, just maybe, Y/N would be safe in my arms as we watch their favorite TV shows. 

   Shaking my head, i stand up. I feel tears forming in my eyes but i quickly wipe them away. My eyes were already itchy enough from the crying, i mustn't cry anymore. I must stay strong. I must find Y/N. 

Y/N POV + 2 year time skip :D 

   I groan, tossing a trash bag over into the trash bin with a grunt" Kyle, come on dude! i can't keep picking up your shit all the time!" i shout at him, he chuckles.

      "My fault, Y/N!" I hear him shout back, but i know i would still continue to pick up his trash for as long as i live here. I don't really mind it though, it gives me something to do besides sleeping, eating, working, or shopping for food for all of us. I was the main person here that would take care of food and clothes. Everyone did something different. Caroline plays medic, Rhonnie does patrol, Antonia pays for most of our stuff, Bob builds our tents and fixes stuff, Kyle cooks. It's our weird little system, but it works. And everyone's happy, im happy for once. 

     I think its been 2 years since i saw Donnie? I don't keep count, i honestly almost forgot completely about him. But every so often, i get little reminders of him. Every time im scared, i itch the back of my neck, then my thoughts go to Donnie since i got that habit from him. 

     Of course, i cant think like that anymore. Im healed, im happy. Im not a depressed bitch anymore, im- for once- me. 

     "uh- Y/N? helloooooo! Earth to Y/N!" I hear Kyle call out to me. I blink twice before snapping back

 "sorry dude- i was lost in thought, ha!" I chuckle, picking up a box full of food, while Kyle grabs another box along side me.

     "aint no worries- like i always say-"
      "just go with the flow" you cut him off and imitate him, before laughing with him. Kyle playfully punches your shoulder