This isn't love this is torture

chapter 31 - it's been too long since i saw you

cw

                It's been how long? Two years now? its honestly hard to believe that i would ever be in this type of situation at all in general. I was your typical suicidal freak trying to make it through life in New York city, but I just had to see what was in that cherry scented note. And now, im here, staring into his teary stained eyes, reminding me of myself. 

                 "Its been too long since i saw you." he whimpers

                 "it should have been longer" 

          TWO YEAR PRIOR 

"Don't ever tell him or you're dead" he whispers to me. Ah, so that's what it's about. He's just worried his brothers will find out he was just an insane psychopath after all this time trying to fix him. 

   I nod slowly, sighing as I wouldn't care in the aftermath, i mean we all die someday so why bitch and whine about some sociopath who is infatuated with some weak and pathetic ol' me. "alright" I whisper back, not wanting to make him angry.

    I go back to doodling, trying to just keep my focus on that instead of the growing disgust inside of me. Not for Donnie - God only knows what weird Stockholm syndrome have - not for me, not for big mama, but for Mikey. I feel so disgusted that Mikey, out of anyone in the world, has to be so painfully peaceful with not knowing what was happening. To be able to sit there, making a paper mâché. I grab two new pieces of blank paper, handing one over to Donnie before i begin to draw on my piece of paper. 

   This time i wanted to write coherent words that would make sense.

       "YOU ARE A PIG" I etched into the top of the paper, and below it i began to draw a pig. But humanized. Like a mutant pig. But instead, she was pretty, had long blonde hair and bright red lipstick, wore a long red spaghetti strapped dress to pair with the lipstick, high heels, and a purse. 

   But even everyone would say she was pretty, she was disgusting. horrid. Stupid. Insane, fragile, guilty. I hate this pig, she was disgusting in the first place, she was meant to be me. 

 I crumble up the peice of paper, standing up as Mikey and Donnie look up at me  "im gonna go to my room.." I mummer. God, Donnie's room was not my room, i hate that this feels like where i belong. 

       "um alright, we can have a playdate soon!" Mikey replys, he was so innocent

         "well duh! your my bestfriend of course we have to hang out"
      "Y/N! ill come with you! I mean- I have a gift for you" Donnie butts in. But the gift part intrgued me. 

           "uh alright?" I reply skeptically as Donnie stands up besides me, taking my hand in his. before he yanks me out of Mikeys room, his demor changing drastically quickly. He leads me out of the Atrium, and into his room - aka his lab. Before he quickly shoves me onto his bed. 

        "so this morning, darling, when you were completly out of it after dismembering your ex best friend, you werent paying attention to me or anything. In fact you would even notice if i would pinch you, sooo. I spent this morning making you something since yesterday had to have been traumatic for you in some sort of way." He rambles before he grabs a small purple box from his desk and hands it to me, smiling wide with his sharp teeth

    "um thanks.." I unwrap the box and inside was a small collar, lined with f/c on it. I look up, completely flabbergasted. "What the fuck Donnie. Is this some kind of joke?" 

    "well, no. Im just worried you might try to leave me again, so i made you a shock collar" 

         and that's what made me snap. The torture, the abandonment, the murder, the horrors. And this is what made me snap.

       "Are you FUCKING SERIOUS. I HAVE BEEN GOOD, I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ASKED FOR, I FUCKING DISMEMBERED MY BEST FRIEND FOR YOU." I scream, and i can tell this is what Donnie obviously did not expect "SO YOU CAN FUCKING SHOVE THIS COLLAR UP YOUR ASS BECAUSE WE ARE FUCKING DONE. WE ARE OVER. THIS ISNT LOVE THIS IS TOURTURE." 
     I jump at him, my mind in scrambles as I couldnt stand this mother fucker anymore. I couldnt stand being in love with him and envying him at the same time, i had to choose. And I choose violence 

         I throw a punch at him, knocking him right in the face as he pummels to the ground in agony. Compared to what he's put me through, this, this is nothing. I tower over him, kicking him in the interanal scute - which is the human equitant of groin.  I bend over, my hand roughly grabbing his chin as I make him look at me. But then he looks at me, his eyes wide and filled with only, only love... God fucking dammit Y/N! What are you doing?! You love Donnie! What the hell is wrong with you!?

         I stand up and stagger backwards, tumbling onto his bed as i begin to feel dizzy. I don't know what to do, or how to do it or how-

        "d-don't leave me..."  I hear Donnie mumble, laying on the floor with blood spilling from his nostrils. 

        I blink, trying to think coherently, to think normally, to try and just, just think. For just a second. 

       Instantly, I grab my old backpack that Donnie never got rid of, tossing any clothes of mine I could quickly get my hands on. Then I grab my converse, stressing as I tie my laces. I was in no rush, Donnie was laid on the floor, weak, he couldnt hurt me. Yet it still felt like he was leaning behind me, waiting to grab me at any moment. 

     Panicking now, I run over to his desktop, opening his safe underneath - seeing him opening it multiple times from time to time, I remembered the code easily - and taking out money before stashing it in my bag, around the $10,000 US dollars he gave me on our first date. I take my wallet that he stole, my phone, and my fucking dignity. 

      Walking back over to him, i see him on the ground. I just stare, seeing him so pathetic and weak made me feel some sort of happiness. I still loved him, that's for sure, but at least now i know that we are NOT meant for each other, we do not belong together, and we do not need each other to survive like i used to think. 

    I bend down, continuing to stare before i finally speak up. "Were over, this- You. Are a monster. I hate that i spent 13 months, 15 days, and now 56 minutes with you. When we first met, i was at a low point in my life, but now. Im at my lowest. You made me into a monster, you made me go even crazier then i already was. I am- I am lost. I will never be able to live again, because of you. And i deeply hope that you will find yourself, and fix it. But we are never, ever, seeing each other ever again. Nor will we ever get back together, if you even call what we 'had' a relationship." 

    i stand up, tossing my backpack over my shoulder, before walking out of his room, out into the sewers. And then, back into the world. 

     I am free. 

OMG HIHIHIHIHUIHI i amm backkkkkkk! i am very sorry that i had to make you guys wait but i have a whole plot ready for you guys, my writing has improved tremendously and i hope you will enjoy future chapters of this series! Literally i have never had this much motivation ever, and i am so ready to share my work with you! this chapter was aropund 1365! I hoped you enjoyed, have a good day/night and take care of yourself! <3