This isn't love this is torture

Chapter 17 - wednesdays child is full of woe

TW: death, blood, spew, rape

          Is this what I wanted?

                                    was this death?....

Why did I ever want a pain like this... it hurts so much...

                    Maybe..- Maybe I shouldn't have.. But maybe I wasn't dead yet- I can still see.. Donnie...

      I can hear Donnie yelling for his brothers, yelling at me to stay awake. I feel his grip on my neck, trying to stop the blood. But instead it covers his hands. It hurts so much, and its so bloody.. But he doesn't stop trying to help me. I hear the others including April come over, I think from what I can tell, they're scared for me.. Do they care for me?.. That's new.. I thought they didn't want me anymore, well they probably don't.. They're just freaking out. I mean anyone would do the same, seeing someone dying. I'd freak out too. 

            But I can still see Donnie, the one I came for. The one I lived for, but here in my dying moments, it felt amazing to see him here, caring for me in my last moments. But yet I feel horrible, not because their was a knife though my jugular, I mean that hurt but.. I felt horrible for letting him see me like this, and everyone else. I cared about Leo, we were good friends. Mikey, he was so young to see me like this..Broken and sick. I loved Raph, he was like a big brother, always there for me with the little time we hung out. April, I didn't give a shit About her so yeah... but Donnie.. I loved him, and I hoped he loved me once. I wish we could have kissed one last time.. and I wished it was real.

       But yet at the same time, this didn't feel... real... Dying like this didn't feel real...

Oof.. I think Donnie is picking me up now. Is he running? Ohh maybe their trying to hide my body. Is Don crying? Oh I didn't want him to cry, I never wanted that. How am I still alive, silly huh. I should be dead, maybe I didn't stab myself harder. Ugh I forgot about my arms, no wonder I can't reach to touch Donnie. To reassure him, that Im here for him. Well not for long but you get the point.  I just love him. Even after everything, I love him. 

       Ugh I wanna scratch my neck, damn arms.. I feel the wind brush though my hair, dang Donnie is sprinting. Is April cursing how she's sorry? Pathetic. But nice to know shes sorry, even though I know she doesn't mean it. She's just panicking. I mean I would do the same. 

        I grunt as Donnie plops me onto the desk. Or at least that's what I think, its cold and uncomfortable. A metallic feeling. A bright light is shun in my face, blinding me and making my vision even more blurry. He's yelling something but I can't tell what. Everyone, is around me. I think Mikey is holding my hand, Leo is holding my head, Raph is holding my other hand. While April is somewhere I just can't tell. And Donnie is doing something to my neck, something to help. I don't know what. 

              I jerk up, throwing up spew and blood, mostly blood but you know. I groan in pain as I fall back down, that hurt, a lot. Donnie I think is panicking. But he places something on my mouth, like a doctor would, it tastes like strawberry. Is this laughing gas?.. Hehe... Maybe it is. Not like heh I care..

         I close my eyes, my breathing slows and I'm surrounded by darkness. 

                         what time is it?.... Why can I breath?.... I don't like this feeling.. I feel sick.. Ugh.. I jerk up again like I remember, and throw up, this time less blood. Gross. I wipe my mouth. I can see better this time. I'm in Donnie's lab, the part where he made for me when I was his 'pet', to bring me back to health. I hated it. But at least it was now for better circumstances I think... I look around, a heart monitor was beeping at a normal pace, or at least that's what I think. A plastic baggie was full of blood and a long tube attached to it and to my arm, I think it was pumping blood in me. I look down at my arm, stitches covered my arms, it was gross. I tried to pick at the string but it hurt my fingers and my arm but duh of course it would hurt.