This isn't love this is torture

chapter 26 - empty

TW: r@pe.. y'all r gonna hate Donnie on this 1 

    I didn't want to eat anymore -- while it was because full it was also because of the need to cry. I didn't want to be at this table anymore, I was staring at the girl who ruined my life- well made it worse. While I was able to create an amazing act that no one saw through, inside, I wanted to gouge my eyes out in pain. 

    I couldn't do this anymore, Im not being suicidal or anything I just can't keep acting like what everyone did to me was okay. I know I forgave Donnie, its just, he just said sorry. He didn't do anything else- I know it makes me sound needy and greedy, but to be honest its fair. After he raped me, experimented on me, and more.. I just can't trust him anymore, but yet I want to. Two faces of the same coin. 

   Abrubtly, I stand up. "um- sorry, im just really tired guys, im gonna head to bed.." I rub the back of my neck. Everyone nods, but raph. He raises a brow at me.

    "Y/N, normally you never sleep. whats the change of heart?" He stares at me

      "i don't know-" I say, faking a yawn. "guess im just tired" I before donnie speaks up. UGH, let me just GO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEEEEP 

    "are you sleeping in my bed?" He says blankly, and I can tell his brothers are gonna make fun of him for this later, soon after im gone I imagine. I just nod at him, not feeling the energy to speak anymore as I'm already burnt out. I walk out of the kitchen and into his lab, walking past my cell. Which oddly enough, gave me a happy feeling. I didn't like that. 

  I sigh with relief as I see the purple bed, surrounded by the purple wall paper, and the purple desk that's still filled with too many projects that need to be finished. I flop onto his bed, his smell flooding my nostrils as I then begin to slowly cover myself in the sheets. It felt warm, comfortable, safe. I close my eyes, as I begin to go numb, falling into a peaceful sleep. 

                  rustle rustle...

      My eyes flutter open, as I yawn. I didn't know what time it was, or how long I've been asleep. But I did know one thing, that Donnie was right above me- hovering above me. His hands pushed on the side of my head onto the bed, his eyes staring at me with no emotion. So I freeze. I want to speak, I want to.. Please! Im trying to open my dry mouth, and I'm able to. But I can't say much, so of course my lame ass will say the most generic thing possible

       "w-what are you doing?.." I say quietly, my voice Shakey. 

    Donatello doesn't look like the one at dinner, he doesn't look like the one who begged for forgiveness, he doesn't look like him. But he reminds me of when I kept him as a pet.. oh fuck. NO! 

     "mine." I hear him growl, he slowly begins to lick my neck, I shiver as my eyes begin to fill up with tears. I whimper and that only fulls whatever maddness he has. His tongue goes up and down, and soon- no... he slowly takes off my shirt,  He stares for a second before punching my breast. I squirm around, moaning with pain in my voice but before anyone could hear me, he smashes his lips onto mine, muting my pleads.  

       He goes back to my tits, his three-fingers grasping it roughly - in a sadistic way. I shake with fear but can't even scream with moans or pleads. He fiddles with my nipples, pinching at them, and digging his nails into the soft sensitive skin around my nipples. I squirm around but again this only fuels him more. Then his hands begin to move downwards, first grabbing my hips with inncredible force. Then his hands slowly begin to remove my shorts. I knew this was coming for me, I just didn't know it was gonna be this soon. 

     He stops for a moment - not kissing me anymore, knowing if I scream he will just hurt me more. He stares at my clit just like he did with my chest. I wipe away tears, bracing myself for what is about to happen. And before I could even blink, he shoves all his fingers in me. I cover my mouth with my hands, my muffled screams only Don could hear. He smiles, giggling like an innocent child. 

      I don't even try to look at him as he pumps his fingers repeatedly inside of me, like he was trying to yank my intestines out. Each thrust of his hand was more painful, more traumatizing and more pleasurable at the same time. I wish I could move, or fight back but I'm just a dead body being fucked relentlessly. It was good, I liked it but it didn't feel normal. Yeah it made me want to be fucked more, but it still felt wrong. But after this, I think I might go back to being his prisoner. 

        Then he stopped, and yawned. he fell beside me, his muscular arms wrapping around my bruised nude body that he just fucked. He was acting like nothing happened. Leaving me just at the height of my denial orgasm. 

       "mhmm.. goodnight" he says nonchalantly. Im going to fuck him back, but still I wanted him dead. But for now, I stare at the ceiling. I felt like an empty shell, my soul gone as well as my mind. No- I was empty. I'm gone, I Don't have a personality anymore, I don't have memories anymore, I don't have a life anymore.   

PHEW, this was a tough one to write because this is based off of my own experiences. PLEZZZ do not say this is 'hot' or sum shit like that.. gross dude. Anywayz, this was 10128!!! hope u enjoy :3