The Actress and The Artist

Chapter 4: Not Such A Bad Thing

The clock struck 10 pm. It was a Friday night and almost a month had passed since El threw up that morning. She had done the same quite a few times since then, and every day she felt more and more weak to the point where she'd fall asleep as soon as she got home, not waking up until it was time for work the next morning.

Max was worried sick about her, every time she'd get home El was already fast asleep, and she'd only managed to get her to eat a couple nights, even when she was begging her to. And every time she did eat Max noticed how she would get paler with every bite, not speaking much as she curled herself on one side of the sofa, immediately going into the bathroom once she was finished.

"El?" Max knocked on the bathroom door, not hearing El inside despite it being nearly 15 minutes since she entered. "Are you okay?"
She heard a cough come from within, before a small, "Yeah."

"Look, I'm coming in." She said firmly, wanting to see the reason she rushed into the bathroom.
"No no no-" Eleven tried, but it was too late as Max had already swung the door open, her heart dropping as she saw El on the floor beside the open toilet, her face pale and looking ill.

"Hey..." She spoke softly, crouching down in front of her. "What's wrong?"
"I feel sick." El mumbled, her voice weak as her eyes barely stayed open. The two had gotten take out tonight, Max too exhausted to cook once she got home.
"Did you not like the food?" She asked, noticing how El didn't say much as she ate, but then again, that wasn't out of the ordinary these days.

El closed her eyes, her head leaning against the painted wall. She shrugged as she took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the nauseous feeling in her gut.

Max leaned closer, getting on her knees as she put the back of her hand on El's forehead. "Well you don't have a temperature." She said, feeling more confused.
El nodded, Max's cool hand making her feel a bit better.

TW

Suddenly she felt it coming up her throat, and she gently pushed Max away from her as she kneeled over the toilet, throwing up.

"Oh Ellie..." Max said, quickly getting up and holding El's hair behind her head, gently rubbing her back with her other hand. "It's okay, you're okay baby."

Tears welled in El's eyes as her throat burned, coughing as she finished. She let out a groan and sat down as Max flushed the toilet, her eyes filled with concern.

"What's happening El? I know something's wrong. Whenever you eat you always come in here... do you throw up every time?" Max realised what must've been happening. Her girlfriend shook her head, standing up slowly as she went towards the sink to rinse her mouth out. "Tell me what's happening Ellie. Why have you been acting so weird since we moved?"

She tried to guess what was going on, "Are you homesick? Because if you are we can go to Hawkins for a week, I can try get some time off." Eleven shook her head again, knowing Max already struggled to get even a couple days off. "What then? Why do you never come out the bedroom? Why aren't you eating-?"
"I am eating." El replied, frustrated, "I just did!"
"Only to throw it up again! You're feeling sick every time you eat because your body isn't used to it anymore! Why are you doing this to yourself El?!" Max raised her voice. All the worrying from this past month had been eating her alive, and she couldn't just ignore it anymore. "Tell me!"

"I don't know, okay?! I don't know!" Eleven shouted, leaving the bathroom.
"Don't lie." Max followed after her, "What happened to 'friends don't lie', huh?! It's funny how you forget it when it applies to you!"
"I'm not lying!" She said, her head pounding. "Just stop shouting. You're giving me a headache."

"Oh, I'm giving you a headache?" The older girl chuckled, getting pissed off, "I've been worried sick about you for the past month, and suddenly a headache is your biggest concern?!"
"I didn't say that." Eleven groaned, putting her head in her hands as she leaned over the kitchen island.
"You didn't have to." Max looked away for a few seconds, trying to calm herself down. She didn't want to scream at El, something was going on with her, she knew it. It was just annoying how she wouldn't tell her. "Do you even care about me anymore? Care about us?"

Eleven looked up, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, "What? Of course I do."
"Then why are you lying to me?" Max asked softly, her arms crossed as she stood on the other side of the island, "I just want to help you Ellie."
"There's nothing to help me with." The younger girl said.

"Again with the lies! Why won't you tell me?!" Max exclaimed.
"Tell you what?!" El shouted, "It's my problem, not yours! I'll deal with it myself!"
"Yeah, coz you seem to be doing such a great job of that so far!" The older girl replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I'm your girlfriend Jane! You're supposed to tell me your problems!"
"Okay, so what I'm not eating as much as I used to? It's a good thing."

"You're not just, 'not eating as much as you used to', which wasn't even close to being a problem before! You're barely eating at all! You wouldn't unless I told you to!" She slammed her fist down on the island.
"So what?!"
"What do you mean, 'so what'?! Your body needs food! If you carry on like this you're gonna end up killing yourself-!"
"Would that be such a bad thing?!" Eleven yelled, her words making Max's veins freeze. "Would it?!"

"What...?" Max asked, her heart dropping as El groaned, running her hand through her curls, she didn't mean to say that. "Ellie, what are you saying?"
"Nothing, I didn't say a thing." El dismissed, grabbing the house keys from the counter behind her, "I'm going out, do you need anything?"

The older girl grabbed her arm, dragging her back as she tried to open the door. "You expect me to just ignore what you said?" She asked, her voice quiet.
"I do." Eleven replied, pulling her arm back before leaving the house, shutting the door behind her.

Max sat down on the sofa, biting the inside of her cheek as tears welled in her eyes. She was an awful girlfriend. How could she make El feel like death wouldn't be so bad? How did she allow it to get that far? Why didn't she put more effort in to help earlier?

She tried to hold her tears in, she really did. But once a sob left her lips there was no turning back. She burst into tears, crying as she thought of El leaving her. She wouldn't be able to live in this house without her, she wouldn't be able to bear the quiet in every corner. She wouldn't be able to live in New York, walking down streets the two had walked down countless times together, laughing as they did so. She wouldn't be able to go back to Hawkins, she wouldn't be able to face Hopper, or see the party incomplete without her. She couldn't go to Scoops Ahoy, or Lover's Lake, Starcourt or anywhere near Hawkins High.

She doubted she could live without her at all.