El opened the front door, shutting it behind her quietly. The house was still, too still. She put the bag of Max's favourite snacks down on the kitchen island, a silent apology for their argument. She'd have to apologise in person too, but first she had to find her.
She looked in their bedroom, checked the bathroom, the guest bedroom, the office, but she was no where to be found. Just as El was about to give up and text her, she heard the soft snores of the girl she loves.
Eleven span around, trying to find her. Her eyes softened as she saw Max sleeping on the sofa, her cheeks red and stained with tears. Had she been crying? Why did she fall asleep here?
She leaned over the back of the sofa, moving the hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. She didn't want to upset Max, she didn't mean to say what she did. Did she mean it? She didn't know.
El went around to the front of the sofa, carefully lifting the shorter girl into her arms. Max lay her head on her shoulder, her legs wrapped around her waist as she subconsciously nuzzled into her neck. El slowly walked into their bedroom, moving the blanket out of the way before laying her down on the bed gently.
She stood up straight, fixing the blanket and tucking her girlfriend in. She caressed her the soft skin of her cheek for a few moments, pulling away as she stirred.
"Goodnight." Eleven whispered, kissing her forehead before leaving the room, making sure to shut the door slowly behind her.
She went back towards the kitchen, putting all the snacks away in the cupboards. She turned the hot water on, washing the rest of the dishes she didn't do earlier before spraying and wiping the counters down with a tea towel.
El loved living with Max, even though it might not seem like it at the moment. The initial spark of their relationship had began to leave, meaning more arguments, less time spent together as they became more and more busy, and feeling like they didn't love each other anymore much more often. But she knew that it meant they were maturing, growing together in their relationship. Getting rid of a lot of the excitement and replacing it with a deeper, stronger, more meaningful love for each other. A real connection.
Once the kitchen was clean, she went into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror while brushing her teeth. Had she lost weight?
She spat her toothpaste out, rinsing her mouth and brush as she grabbed the scale from the side, stepping on it. 13 pounds down. Was that it? She stepped off the scale, putting it back where it was before looking back in the mirror.
Her lost weight certainly wasn't noticeable, at least not to her. She saw her eyes, how tired she looked without actually feeling tired herself. No wonder people thought she was ugly, she couldn't blame them.
Maybe another month would make a difference. She could do it. She would do anything it takes to feel good in her body again. She wanted life to feel worth living again.
"It's never gonna be worth living. Why do you try so hard to convince yourself? You already know the truth."
El shook her head, putting her hands on either side of the sink as she looked in the mirror, no one was there but her. Ignore it El. Ignore it.
"You can't ignore me. I'm a part of you. Don't you remember me?"
"Go away." El said quietly, not wanting to wake Max up considering she was right next door.
"Oh but I won't. I helped you last time. I'm the reason you felt good in your skin."
Eleven remembered how she was 5 years ago. Exhausted, fatigued, looking half dead. The only thing she could stay up for was going to the hospital to see Max. She couldn't live like that again.
"Step back on the scale Eleven." She shook her head, "You know I'm not gonna stop until you do. Remember the night of the grammy's?"
El remembered how she snatched the phone up, praying the car didn't crash. She read hundreds of comments from people, saying how she wasn't deserving of any of it, how she was nothing but a pathetic little girl who had been favoured. She didn't dare look away from the screen, she didn't want Max to die.
Minutes passed in that car and she remembered Max's words sounding faded, trying to tell her to get out the car. She kept scrolling, kept reading. Her eyes welled with tears but she didn't stop, even when she began sobbing she didn't. She couldn't. It wouldn't let her.
Max had to drag her upstairs, holding her grammy's. How could she still love her after that? She was fucking crazy.
"You're mine now."
Eleven stepped on the scale, looking back down at the numbers.
"13 pounds, how fucking pathetic. Because that's what you are, aren't you? Nothing but a pathetic little bitch, useless now that the Upside Down is gone. Do you feel useless? Do people actually need you anymore, or did they just need you for your powers? Max wants to break up with you and you know it. She shouldn't have to deal with your bullshit, you fucking freak. You don't belong anywhere. Do you hear me? YOU DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY WHILE YOU MAKE EVERYONE AROUND YOU MISERABLE."
El looked back in the mirror. No one's there, no one's there.
"I am here. Aren't you happy to see me?"
El stepped off the scale, putting it back beside the sink.
"Step back on the scale Eleven. Aren't you ashamed? You've worried Max for a whole month for 13 pounds gone. Was it worth it? Do it again. Do another month. Do it until you're back to how you were. The better version of yourself."
Eleven ignored it, nothing was there.
"You know what you said to Max was true. You meant every word of it. You want to die, don't you? Didn't you say the same 5 years ago? Why are you still here? For what purpose? You don't need to kill Vecna anymore. What purpose do you serve if it's not saving people? Who are you really?"
"Please, go." El mumbled, tilting her head down as it began pounding.
"DON'T BE AFRAID OF ME. I'M WHAT YOU NEED. I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU. DO IT ELEVEN. STEP ON THE SCALE. DON'T EAT UNTIL YOU'RE BACK TO HOW YOU WERE. YOU DON'T DESERVE HAPPINESS. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS HOUSE. YOU DON'T DESERVE THE FAME. YOU DON'T DESERVE HOPPER. YOU DON'T DESERVE FRIENDS LIKE THE PARTY. YOU DON'T DESERVE MAX. YOU WON'T EVER DESERVE HER. YOU DON'T DESERVE LIFE ITSELF."
El sunk to the floor, her hands grabbing fistfuls of her hair as the voice wouldn't stop. It wouldn't ever stop. It would never go. It's a part of her.
YOU ARE READING
The Actress and The Artist
Fanfiction(BOOK TWO 🤍) Sequel to: Two Dreams Intertwined -Contains mature themes- Max and El both have the ambition to become famous and inspire, albeit in different ways, but more than anything they want to be together happily. Now that they've finally mov...
